Okay, I'm almost halfway done figuring out birthday gifts for my siblings. I'm so proud of them that...[sniff]...I want to get each of them the PERFECT gift. To review:

1. Roscoe Ruffman. Can of Ruff's Liver & Pineapple Biscuit Shake!
2. Sir Wagalot Ruffman. Biscuit Shake.
3. Scrumdillyumptious Ruffman. Shake.

Just four more to go—

4. Crackers Ruffman. Adopted by a famous rock star, she was even featured on the song "Howling Loudly into the Night." (She did the howling. Loudly.) Now she's rich. So what do you give a dog who has everything? Um...how about the one thing she probably doesn't have because the 500 cans I ordered never made it to the stores—Ruff's Homemade Yummily Smooth Liver and yeah yeah, you know what it is.
5. Petunia O'Daffodil Ruffman. Mascot for the Madison Mutts—a Wrestling Team out of Wisconsin. She can pin me in five seconds flat. Big fan of FETCH, she said all she wants is a FETCH gym bag. Coming right up, Sis! And filled to the top with 50 cans of a little special something!
6. Barky von BarkBarkstein Ruffman. Barky's still in Obedience School, getting a degree in "Advanced Sitting." She can sit better than any dog I know. And hey! I've only got one more can of shake, so OH—and there's the mailman!

Great. I got rid of all my surplus Biscuit Shake, and now I have just one more present—

7. Scruff. He...uh...well we don't talk about him too much. He's a dangerous criminal mastermind serving a life sentence at Poodle Island. I just got a letter from him, in fact—let's see what it says. "Dear Ruff. Prison food horrible. Send Biscuit Shake. Or else."

Uh oh. I think I better chase down that mailman.

Always fascinating, always entertaining, always...