Being a major celebrity, it's just a matter of time before someone knocked on my door and asked if an ultra-super-hip-and-totally-cool "Action Ruff" action figure could be sold in stores across America.

Well guess what? Last week I was approached by a representative from the biggest toy company! In all of Iceland! Or not really Iceland so much as an island off the coast of Iceland exclusively populated most of the year by a colony of seals.

But for the rest of the year, two brothers inhabit a shack where they sell various seal products as well as Toys. And one of the toys to hit the shelves next year? You guessed it! An "Action-to-the-Max-ion" Action Ruff Action Figure! I've hit the big time!

I've asked Blossom, my intern, to put together a prototype, and Oh!—she's bringing it over now! This will be so cool—I made a list for her earlier of potential actions an Action Ruff could have, including: karate, funky dance moves, flips, barracuda-fast swimming, and "strutting."

So let's see...hmm...it appears Blossom has found an orange sock...and stuffed it full of...pudding...and taped four popsicle sticks to the sock for arms and legs, and for my face, uh, Blossom has glued bits of dried spaghetti, with a pasta shell for my nose. What about the "Action"? You can't have an Action Ruff without action.

Blossom has just informed me that the Action Ruff's sole action is "Being Blobby." Okay, that isn't really what I had in mind.

Always fascinating, always entertaining, always…