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SETTING: Restaurant interior with a table, place setting and chair.
(A Hostess seats a curly haired woman at her chair. The Hostess faces the audience while Fannee Doolee keeps her back to the audience who never see her face.)
SETTING: Inside the restaurant's kitchen, a cook makes pizzas, a waitress and waiter work on menus, a manager does accounting paperwork on a stool, and a busboy works on dishes.
Hostess:
(Comes through swinging door and speaks to kitchen staff.) Listen up, everyone. We've got a tough customer. She wouldn't sit at table two, but liked table three, and wouldn't sit on a chair, but would sit on a stool.
(Grabs stool from underneath manager and goes back out through door.)
Manager:
Everyone, everyone, calm down. Chuck, you can take this one. Billy, prep the table. And let's remember:
(Points to sign.)
All:
"The customer is always right."
Waiter:
Gotcha.
(Waiter and Busboy Billy exit, and Hostess enters kitchen directly after them.)
Hostess:
Now she didn't want salt on her table, but would love more pepper.
(Exits through the door as Billy enters.)
Billy:
Alright, table three is VERY picky. She wants coffee with her meal, but doesn't want drinks. Oh! And she likes rolls, but doesn't want the bread. Oh, oh!
Manager:
If she wants rolls, she gets rolls. I always say...
All:
"The customer is always right."
(Billy says this as he exits with a basket of rolls.)
Manager:
Indeed.
Waiter:
(Enters through door.) That's one funny lady. She only likes waitresses, not waiters. I feel rejected!
Manager:
I've said it once, and I'll say it again, "The customer is always right!"
(Exits as Busboy enters, carrying fork and knife.)
Billy:
Now she won't eat with the forks or the knives, only the spoons!
(Grabs more spoons, and exits.)
Hostess:
(Enters.) Now she doesn't want lunch, only dinner. What's up with her?
(Exits as Busboy enters.)
Billy:
She doesn't want the margarine, only the butter. Oh, oh, oh!
(Exits as Waitress enters.)
Waitress:
Listen to this order: She would like pizza, but hold the sauce. She loves cheese, but won't eat dairy. And get this: She wants pepperoni, but can't have meat. And she wants green peppers, but not vegetables.
(Exits.)
Cook:
What?!?
Manager:
(Tentatively.) The customer is always...right?
Billy:
(Enters.) Now she's ready for dessert, but she doesn't want the sugar!
Hostess:
(Enters.) She told me to bring her the bill, but she doesn't want the check!
Waitress:
(Bringing in check, money, and tray.) She's gone! She said she loved food but wouldn't want to eat.
Manager:
(They all gather to look at check.) Oh! No wonder! Look!
All:
It's Fannee Doolee! OHHHHHH!
(Fannee Doolee pops her head and hand through the swinging door making the a-okay sign. The audience sees her, but the restaurant staff does not.) |
