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SETTING: The front counter at Hank's House o' Hot Chocolate.
(A well-dressed Man walks into a hot chocolate shop and up to the counter.)
Man:
Good morning.
(Clerk, standing behind the counter.)
Clerk:
Good morning, sir, and welcome to Hank's House o' Hot Chocolate. Can I interest you in our strawberry bagel special?
Man:
Uh, no, thank you. I'll just have a cup of hot cocoa.
Clerk:
No problem. What type?
Man:
Excuse me?
Clerk:
What type of hot chocolate would you like?
Man:
(A little befuddled.) Just hot chocolate.
Clerk:
Well, we have Peruvian, Mongolian, Chilean, Icelandic, Indian...
Man:
(Interrupts.) Just give me some standard hot chocolate.
Clerk:
You can't have
(Making quotation signs with his hands.) "Standard Hot Chocolate," you have to have a type.
Man:
Well, what do you recommend?
Clerk:
I prefer the Mongolian myself. It has a nice spicy flavor to it. There is also the Costa Rican, which is more bitter, and the Colombian, which is strong.
Man:
Um, I'll have the Colombian. I like my cocoa strong.
Clerk:
The Icelandic is the strongest.
Man:
They grow cocoa beans in Iceland?
Clerk:
Oh, yes, sir! It's very strong.
Man:
All right, I'll have that then.
Clerk:
Very good. Now, what kind of marshmallows?
Man:
What?
Clerk:
We've got fluffy, puffy, mini, squishy, mooshy, with mint, without mint-
Man:
(Flabbergasted.) Fluffy.
Clerk:
Cup?
Man:
Huh?
Clerk:
Paper, plastic, styrofoam, handle, no handle...?
Man:
(Confused.) Paper.
Clerk:
Now, what kind of straw do you want?
Man:
Straw? But I don't drink hot chocolate with a straw!
Clerk:
Don't drink hot chocolate with a straw? What kind of person doesn't drink hot chocolate with a straw?
Man:
(A little offended.) This one!
Clerk:
But then you get those hideous chocolate mustaches.
Man:
Oh, all right. I'll have a straw.
Clerk:
Long, short, wide, normal, narrow...
Man:
(Starting to get overwhelmed and more than a little confused.) Normal.
Clerk:
With the little crickey-neck, or without?
Man:
(Now completely overwhelmed.) Without!
Clerk:
Curly-cue or straight?
Man:
Straight!
Clerk:
OK.
(Clerk finishes writing order.)
Man:
(Man gives sigh of relief, thinking he's going to get the cocoa.) Phew!
Clerk:
And what kind of cup warmer would you like with that?
Man:
(Man is tongue-tied, angry, and confused.) You know what, forget it! I'll just have a plain old glass of milk.
Clerk:
(Clerk flips to a new order form.) OK. Will that be whole milk, soy milk, skim milk, 1%, 2%, goat's milk ...
(Man puts his head down on counter in disbelief.) Sir, are you OK? Can I get you a glass of water?
(Man gets up and runs out of store, screaming.) |
