Does liking someone have to mean headache and heartache? Not necessarily! Here's advice on how to handle all the in's and out's of
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Advice Questions about Crushes:
 I have a super-big crush on a singer, and he is like one of the cutest things ever. I got to meet him, I got to shake his hand, and he was really nice. Later, I talked with my mom about the crush, and she warned me that it was an infatuation, in other words, it's a fantasy love thing. Now I feel really depressed about it, because I know that he'll never love me as much as I like him. I've talked with my mom about it several times, and she gives me advice, but it makes me feel worse. I don't want to give him up, but I want to stop feeling so upset over this! Do you have any advice?
- Me and this girl have been friends forever (literally) and since about 2nd grade (I'm going into 7th now), I started to like her as more than a friend. We hang out at the pool and we talk a lot in school. It seems like she likes me but I'm not sure. How do I tell her how I feel?
- There's this boy at school. Everyone says he's gross and weird. A lot of people make fun of him, but my two best friends and me don't and he always hangs out with us. Everyone has been telling me that he likes me. He's never actually denied it, but he also doesn't seem to pay attention to what they say. I think I may like him, but I can't tell for sure if he likes me. Whenever my friends ask me if I like him, I tell them I like him as a friend. I'm really afraid that people will make fun of me if I say I like him too. Not to mention the humiliation if he doesn't like me!
- Some of my classmates tell me that a girl in my class likes me, and will tell me at my basketball game on Sunday. Thing is, this girl is the one I've secretly liked for almost a year now. What should I do?
- I have this crush on a girl, and I'm planning on asking her to hang out at recess (I'm in middle school). I'm not sure if I should. Do you have any tips on how to do it? I'm only in two classes with her, and I need to do it in the morning. Please help me out!
- I just got rejected by someone I really like. That is the 2nd person this week that has rejected me. I feel so ugly. What should I do?
- I am in love with a celeb! I have fantasies about him and I all day and I even get depressed thinking about that most probably a relationship with him won't work out unless I get famous all of a sudden! The thing is that I have really, really deep feelings for him and since I think about him all day in school, I don't pay attention to my teachers and my grades are beginning to fail! How can I get this celeb off my mind so I can get my life back in place?
- I'm home schooled and I go to this church on my street, and in my youth group there is this girl I've been bugging over for 4 months but I am so shy since I don't socialize as much as most kids, I have feelings for her that are so deep I get so depressed. I can't work up enough courage to talk to her. What should I do?
- I'm having a problem with crushes. The thing is, I like to get to know a lot of people, which is fine, but when I form a close friendship with a boy, it always turns into a crush. CURSE YOU, HORMONES! I start thinking about them more than I would normally, and it's so annoying. I wouldn't care so much if it didn't affect EVERY SINGLE FRIENDSHIP I've had with a guy this school year. Is there anything I can do to keep myself from crushing on everyone? I am not looking for any romantic relationships; right now, I'd rather stay away from them. Why can't I control my emotions and keep from drooling over a guy every time we get close?
- I am the quiet guy in the corner, and my friend is one of the popular guys. I have been crushing on this girl since the third grade, but my friend has already told her he likes her. They have broken up now, but I have a hunch that my friend might get back together with her. I have not yet told the girl about my feelings, but one side of me says the window of opportunity is here. What should I do?
- I have recently gotten turned down by a girl that I asked out. And this isn't just a crush. I really love her. And when I think about how she doesn't like me the same way, I get really depressed and I actually cry sometimes. It seems like the only way I can be happy is if I can have this girl. Can you help me?
- I like this girl. She is fun to be around, and she looks real fine. The only problem is that she's black, and I'm white. I know race doesn't matter, but I don't think she will go out with a white boy. We are good friends, and I'm glad that we are, but I kind of want more.
- I have a crush on this girl in school. I think she almost feels the same way about me. The only problem is that her mom doesn't like her to hang around boys. Her mom is like an overprotective parent. I really want she and I to become friends, but her mom doesn't approve. What should I do?
- I know this may sound kinda stupid, but I think I'm in love with my French teacher. I always enjoyed my French lessons, and always got down to doing great work. But ever since the residential trip to France, I've seen my teacher in a new light. Is this normal? How can I deal with it?
- I can't stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I'm not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don't want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don't. Should I ask him out?
- I really like this guy and he found out about it! He told my friend that he knew about it because my face turned red when I talked to him. How am I supposed to act around him? I've kinda been avoiding him.
- "I love this TV show. It is animated, but not a comedy. I love it so much that I have a crush on one of the characters. I have even daydreamed myself into half-believing he's out there somewhere. He is smart, kind, and polite. All of the boys I know are ignorant, rude horrors who curse and like rap music and steal locks off of lockers. I can't love anyone like that. Please help!"
- I really like this kid. I met him over a chat room and he is ten. Is he telling the truth or am I in danger? He had no profile.
- I think that I may have a big crush on this guy that also happens to be my best friend. If I tell him that I like him, he might not like me back or might not want to be my friend anymore, and I'm too shy anyway. What do I do?
- "There is this girl that I like, but she and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend. How do I make her like ME so it's she and I who are boyfriend and girlfriend? She's already my friend, but just a friend."
- "I like one of the most popular boys in our grade, yet I'm not one of the 'preps.' Do u guys have any idea how I could get his attention?"
- "There are these two boys at school who both have a mega crush on me but I don't like either one. How do I break it to them that I don't like them?"
- Three's a crowd! Many of you wrote in for advice on what to do if you and your friend like the same person.
- "There is this girl. I like her. I think she feels the same way about me. How do I know if she likes me? Once I know that she likes me, how do I tell her that I like her?"
- "I have this guy who acts so weird when I'm around. I don't know whether he likes me or not. I like him but I don't know how to tell him. So what must I do?"
Dear IML,
I am the quiet guy in the corner, and my friend is one of the popular guys. I have been crushing on this girl since the third grade, but my friend has already told her he likes her. They have broken up now, but I have a hunch that my friend might get back together with her. I have not yet told the girl about my feelings, but one side of me says the window of opportunity is here. What should I do?
--Matthew, 11
Dear Matthew,
It's always tough liking someone, but even more so when you have to deal with the added complications of the involvement of friends. The thing that you have to ask yourself is, which relationship do you value more? That is, your friend or the girl you like? If you do not value your friendship with this guy then by all means go and ask this girl out and tell her how you feel. However, if you want to ensure that your relationship with your friend is not jeopardized then talk to him first. Ask him how he would feel if you were to go out with his ex. Make sure to stress the point that you really care how he feels and do not want to do anything to upset him or create a schism in your friendship. It sounds like you're having a lot of confusion and difficulty revolving around this girl. The best thing I can suggest to you is to just take it slow one step at a time and to talk to your friend before you do anything. I hope it all works out for you!
--Joy, IML Mentor
Hi Matthew,
Well, this is a tricky one! I think if you really like this girl you should tell her how you feel, but maybe you could tell your friend first so he's not totally in the dark about what's going on, and maybe then if he's cool with it, the whole situation will just go more smoothly. The other thing is if this girl just got out of a relationship then maybe she might need more time to be alone right now. The thing is, you need to take care of your feelings, but friends are important and you want to make this least painful for everyone.
--Stormie, IML Mentor
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Dear IML,
I have recently gotten turned down by a girl that I asked out. And this isn't just a crush. I really love her. And when I think about how she doesn't like me the same way, I get really depressed and I actually cry sometimes. It seems like the only way I can be happy is if I can have this girl. Can you help me?
--Alex, 13
Dear Alex,
I know exactly how you are feeling right now. I too have been "rejected" and felt like my heart had been broken and stomped on right in front of me. Unlike you however, the guy I was going out with (and was completely smitten over) dumped me and then went out with one of my friends a week later. Let's just say that I wasn't feeling very joyous at that moment in time. The thing that I did and what you might want to do to get out of my funk was pretty simple. I just surrounded myself with people who made me feel happy, like my close friends, family, and my dogs and horses. I also set aside "me" time where I just did something I enjoy, like paint, ride my horses, read, or took a long relaxing bath. Even though you probably won't feel perfect the next day, over time I am sure you will. You might also want to talk to someone about how you are feeling. You could talk to a school counselor, your parents (scary I know), or friends who you respect and admire. Letting out your feelings by talking is the best way to feel better and mend what has been broken. You might also consider talking to the girl. Just calmly ask her why she "rejected" you. If she just doesn't like you in that way, then as hard as it may feel, you will just have to deal with that and work towards moving on. She is not rejecting you like some piece of trash that is to be thrown away, but unfortunately just does not feel the same way about you as you do about her. Relationships are tough and we all go through rejection at some point in time. Just remember that you are a person who is valued and I am sure you will be able to overcome anything and everything that is set before you. I hope all works out for the best!
--Joy, IML Mentor
Dear Alex,
I believe theres not just one man or woman out there who we can love and trust and who will make us happy. There is a whole "type" of person that appeals to us. You may be grieving so hard that it's difficult for you to see that right now, but it's true. Soon, you might realize that girl wasn't worth all that misery, and that if she doesn't like you, she's not the right girl for you to be with. You may even be attracted to another girl by then! You can't let this take over your life, Alex. Take up a sport or hobby or something to help you take your mind off this girl. Try not to focus on her so much. I was rejected by a guy a year ago and I was heartbroken. I felt the same way you do now. But I focused on something else and after a while, I realized that he wasn't worth crying over. Alex, my hope for you is that in a few months -- maybe even a few weeks - you will meet someone who you'll like as much as or better than that girl.
--Roxanne, IML Mentor
Dear Alex,
Although I'm a little older than you, I too have been rejected by someone I
really cared about. It was my freshman year in high school and I'd been
dating this guy for almost a year and then as quickly as it had started he
ended it. I literally cried for 3 months and then suddenly one day it didn't
matter. He's dating another girl now, and although it was strange and hard
to cope with at the beginning, it doesn't bother me any more. It's really
hard to be in the position where you wonder what you could have done wrong, or what's wrong with you. The thing you need to realize is that nothing is wrong with you, and you most likely didn't do anything wrong, I know that sounds totally cliche, but it's true. The best advice I can offer you is this: you need to give it time. I know that this girl seems like the world to you right now, and you're probably really hurting, but it's about
chemistry between two people, and if she said no to you it's most likely
that she thinks of you as more of a friend. It might seem like this is the
only girl for you, but believe me there are so many amazing girls out
there that you have yet to meet, I promise you'll find the right one some
day. Try to get involved with more activities that will allow you to meet
new people so that you'll have something to do, and maybe eve n meet a girl you like. I know it's hard to be denied, but just look at it as someone
else's loss not yours, and know that just because it wasn't meant to be
doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
--Stormie, IML Mentor
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Dear IML,
I like this girl. She is fun to be around, and she looks real fine. The only
problem is that she's black, and I'm white. I know race doesn't matter, but
I don't think she will go out with a white boy. We are good friends, and I'm
glad that we are, but I kind of want more.
--Cory, 13
Dear Cory,
It sounds to me that you're a little scared of this girl rejecting you and
even more so that the reason for her rejection would be your race. It's
really tough being rejected but even worse when it's because of the color of your skin. The best advice I can give you is to just hope that your
friendship is stronger than her wariness about your skin color and that she
likes you enough to forget about her inhibitions and just go out with you
because of your personality and not your outer appearance. Also, remember that if she does indeed turn you down because of your race, then that is her loss. If it does indeed end up that you guys will not become more than just friends remember this: there is bound to be another girl out there who will come into your life and be really special. I hope your situation with this girl works out for the best!
--Joy, IML Mentor
Hi Cory,
I don't think that you should give up that easily. If you know that race
doesn't matter to you, than you should try to ask this girl out. Race
doesn't matter, you're right. If you're worried that this girl will care
about race rather than your relationship then maybe she's not the right girl
for you. But the thing you need to keep in the back of your mind is this: if
she doesn't want to go out with you, and you know that she's a great girl, I
don't think that the color of your skin has anything to do with it. It
sounds like you're really good friends, sometimes dating friends can get
tricky because if the relationship ends friendships, can be a little tricky
afterwards. But any way you slice it, I really think that you should go
for it and try to get closer to this girl if you really like her. Don't ever
let the color of someone's skin interfere with the choices you make in life.
--Stormie, IML Mentor
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