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SETTING: A restaurant
(Nancy and Fannee Doolee are seated at the table. Their dog sits on the floor between their chairs.)
Nancy :
It's great to be here with you Fannee.
Fannee :
You too, Nancy.
Nancy:
We'll do some real sister bonding.
Fannee:
It will be really good.
Nancy:
No, great.
Fannee:
Really good.
Nancy:
Great!
Fannee:
Really good!
Nancy:
Great!
(During this exchange the dog's head volleys back and forth. Dog whimpers a bit.)
Fannee:
You know, I've never liked your name, Nancy.
Nancy:
I don't like yours either, Fannee!
(Waiter enters and interrupts their skirmish.)
Waiter:
Ahem. May I help you?
Nancy:
Yes you may!
(giving a mean look to Fannee.)
Fannee:
I don't want a waiter! I want a waitress.
Nancy:
I like waiters!
Fannee:
Waitresses are better!
(Waiter gives a look to the audience.)
Nancy:
Waiters!
Fannee:
Waitresses!
Nancy:
Waiters!
(Waiter shakes head and gives another look to the audience.)
Fannee:
Let's order food-appetizers!
Nancy:
I want drinks!
Fannee:
Food!
Nancy:
Drinks!
Fannee:
Foo-!
Waiter:
Alright! I'll get you some food, and you something to drink.
Fannee/Nancy:
Good/fine!
(Waiter shakes his head, exasperated, and goes to the back to see the Manager.)
Waiter:
We got a couple of doosies over there! They can't agree on anything!
(Manager looks over at the table.)
Manager:
Oh no! It's the Doolee sisters! Didn't you read the sign?
(Manager points to the "Beware of the Doolee sisters" sign.)
Waiter:
Aaugh! I forgot!
Manager:
Is that a dog with them?
(The dog scratches behind her ear.)
Waiter :
Yeah.
Manager:
We'll just see about that!
(The manager goes out to the table.) Is that a dog with you?
Fannee/Nancy:
No/Yes!
Manager:
Excuse me?
Fannee:
He's a puppy!
Nancy:
No, he's a dog!
Fannee:
Puppy!
Nancy:
Dog!
Fannee:
Puppy!
Nancy:
Dog!
(Manager gives a look to the audience.)
Fannee:
(To manager) Where's our food?!
Nancy:
Where are the drinks?!
Manager:
Argh! I'll come out with the drinks and some bread and butter.
Fannee:
Forget the bread!
Nancy:
No, forget the butter!
Manager:
Would it be okay if I gave you margarine instead?
Fannee:
No it would not!
Nancy:
Margarine is delicious!
Manager:
Aaaugh!
(Manager goes to the back and sends out the waitress with a tray, some bread, some butter, and some water.)
Waitress:
Here you go.
Fannee:
Finally, a waitress!
Nancy - shing ying:
I don't like waitresses! What happened to the waiter?
Fannee:
I don't like this water! I do like the glass, though.
Nancy:
I don't like these rolls!
Waitress:
That's bread.
Oh. Then I love it.
Fannee:
I don't want bread! I want to see the cook! And I want the bill!
Nancy:
Well, I want to see the chef! And tell him to bring the check!
Waitress:
Argh!
(Waitress goes to the back and sends out the cook.)
Cook:
Can I help you ladies?
Fannee/Nancy:
Are you the cook?/Are you the chef?
Cook:
Yes.
Fannee/Nancy:
Good./Great.
Cook:
Is there a problem?
Nancy:
No. Your restaurant is wonderful.
Fannee:
No, it's terrific!
Nancy:
No, it's magnificient!
Fannee:
No, it's swell! We're coming back tomorrow for dinner!
Nancy:
No, for lunch!
Fannee:
Excellent, at noon- for the buffet.
Nancy:
Well, not for me then, I'll be in for breakfast.
Fannee:
Then, I'll beat you here in the wee hours for some eggs.
Nancy:
What time are you opening?
Fannee:
What time are you beginning?
Cook:
We open at...
Manager:
(Stepping in and cutting off cook.) Actually, tomorrow, we're closed!
(Manager and chef look at each other as if to say, 'that was a close one.') |
