Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Ali

Dear Ali,
The first thing to remember is this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I've been through this many times before. It's hard, especially if people don't believe you when you tell them it's not true. I read a quote in English class one day, and it has really stayed with me and helped me during hard times: "Never explain -- your enemies won't believe you and your friends don't need it anyway." Our normal reaction in situations like this is to defend ourselves. But like the quote says, it's not necessary. Tell your close friends, the ones you feel you can trust, and everyone else gets this: nothing. If they know what kind of person you are, they'll believe you and not the rumor. They'll probably admire your maturity as you gracefully ignore each person who tries to pry the "juicy details" out of you. Also, you might consider talking to the guy you like, and ask if he knows about the rumors, and how he feels about them. It may help you feel like you're not in this all alone.
--Johanne, IML Mentor

Ali,
I used to get picked on a lot in elementary and middle school. I hated being teased or having rumors spread about me. For the most part, I ignored the rumors. I knew that whoever was starting them had very low self-esteem, and the only way for her to feel better about herself was to make me feel bad about myself. I know it's hard to remember this, because names and rumors DO hurt! Try to remember that you are a good person, and be proud that you're not one of those people who needs to hurt other people in order to feel important. You know, I was teased a lot for being friends with one of my BFF's, but I didn't let it affect our friendship. Now, 11 years later, we are still (and always will be) BFF's, but nobody remembers the rumors anymore! Good luck!
--Leah, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?
--Jessica, 11

Dear Jessica,
I also had a friend who was teased. In this case, she was teased because she dressed a little differently than most of the students. And she was the new girl in school. I became a friend to her and so I began to be teased too! I really did not like being teased. But since it was the both of us, we had each other for support. In time, the teasing eventually stopped, but our friendship remained. She is now my best friend of over ten years!! Our friendship outlasted the mean kids, and in some ways it made the friendship stronger. NOT to say that teasing is good, because it is not-- it's mean. But something good did come out of it! Good luck!
--Leah, IML Mentor

Dear Jessica,
It's too bad that you and your friend are being made fun of. I am really proud of you for staying her friend, despite the consequence of being teased. It takes a lot of courage for someone to stick by a friend in this kind of situation. I hope that you feel good about yourself. I'm curious as to why you can't tell a teacher. I'm sure you have a good reason for it, but make sure it is a really good reason. Think it through a little more because teachers are there to help solve problems in the classroom. If you really can't go to your teacher, maybe you can try talking to your parents about it and come up with a solution together. Being made fun of is a really mean and cruel thing, and something you should not have to go through.
--Jenna, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?
--Renisha, 11

Dear Renisha,
Remember that outer beauty is not important, and what really counts is what's inside. You may have heard this loads of times and never thought about it seriously. Maybe you can tell those people who make fun of you about this. I know how it feels when everybody else is being mean and making fun of you. They don't really deserve your friendship. Just try your best to ignore them. They just want to see how you react and by staying calm, they'll seem silly.
--Joyce, IML Mentor

Dear Renisha,
Having big lips and a big nose are two of the greatest attributes to any person. Anything, whether it's having short legs or blond hair, makes you unique. Uniqueness is part of life. If people make fun of you, remember that you're lucky for being unique and having the attributes that you do. They're probably jealous that you have the attributes that you do, and they don't. Don't stoop to their level and tease them. You'd just be giving them the attention that they want. Walk away if it bothers you too much. You don't need them, and you have your own friends who truly care about you.
--Danielle, IML Mentor

Dear Renisha,
I know exactly how you feel. People always used to make fun of how big my fingers were and it really hurt my feelings. The best thing I did was ignore them. Of course, that's going to be hard, and it was for me. But I realized that if they thought I didn't care, they would stop teasing me. I always felt so much better about myself after. Be the stronger person!
--Lindsey, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
Kids make fun of me because I'm overweight. Please respond. It's urgent!
--Ashley, 12

Dear IML,
Sometimes kids at school make fun of me because I want to lose a little bit of weight before school starts. I know to stay active, but what else do I do (to lose weight)?
--Matt, 11

Dear IML,
Kids at school are so cruel. They make fun of me because I am fat. Please tell me how to deal with it. :-(
--Phill, 10

Dear Ashley & Phill,
I always used to get made fun of because I was overweight. I even stopped doing P.E. because I didn't want to change. Kids can be very cruel, but the best thing for you to do is to ignore them.
--Lindsey, IML Mentor

Dear Matt, Phill & Ashley,
When I was in middle school, I was also a bit overweight. Other kids would make fun of me, too. I know that when people make fun of you, it's hard to ignore them. You just really want to scream and yell and think of something hurtful to say back to them. That isn't a smart solution, though. Chances are, the person will just get even more angry and continue to bother you. When people make fun of other people, they do it to try to get you mad. If you let them see that you're mad, then you're giving that person what they want. Also, people make fun of other people because they're insecure as well. For example, I hate my legs. The first thing I notice on other people is what their legs look like, and I'm always commenting on it. Maybe these people who are making fun of you are also unhappy with their bodies. Try to ignore what they're saying, and I hope that I helped.
--Cyntianna, IML Mentor

From Josephine Schiff, MSW, LCSW, school social worker in Union City, NJ public schools

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." There is something that I've never quite figured out: I have NEVER met anyone who says they've never been teased in their life. So if all of us have been teased, who's doing the teasing? Cyntianna was brave enough to say that she judges others on whether or not people have good-looking legs, which is something that she is sensitive about herself! Often people who tease are being teased themselves, or feel bad about certain parts of themselves. It seems to never end. But by recognizing and accepting your strengths, you can help to stop the cycle.

Read more about feeling overweight in the IML section on Eating Disorders.

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