Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I "hang low"?
--Tiffany, 11

Hey Tiffany!
It's always hard when someone makes fun of you, especially about religion. You should never feel like you have to "hang low" for any of your beliefs. Talk to your pastor or an adult you respect about things you can say in response to the mean things you hear. Don't try and create comebacks or insults; this will just make it worse. It's important that you set a good example: if you want other people to respect what you think, you have to respect them. There are great replies that explain what you believe in, while remaining kind. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Tiffany,
The most important thing is for you to know who you are and represent your inside feelings on the outside. If you are religious and enjoy going to church there is absolutely no reason to hide it. Religion and faith should be very important in your life and there is nothing to be ashamed about in observing your religion. If you feel like you need to hang low for a little bit then you can, but I feel that standing up for yourself will do a lot more. Just tell them how you are proud of your religion and it shouldn't matter to them whether you go to church or not. If they continue to bother you, then they are not people you want to be hanging out with anyways. Just be yourself and listen to your heart about what you know is truly right. Hope everything gets better.
--Joel, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?
--Sam, 11

From Josephine Schiff, MSW, LCSW

Dear Sam,
One thing I have learned about bullies is this: They do it because they CAN. If there are no adults telling them their behavior is wrong, if they never receive consequences for their actions, if you and your classmates remain silent...then why stop? From your letter, you sound like a real "Renaissance Man" -- someone who is involved in many different kinds of activities. Your enthusiasm and talent should not be snuffed out by some gym class jerks. Your mom, the school principal, and gym teacher should work together to protect you and help your classmates to change their behaviors. Don't let these boys ruin your interest in sports. I can understand your reluctance to have your mom get involved, but a group effort is needed to stop these boys, in order to keep the love you have for school, sports, and music. Good luck, Sam!

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Dear IML,
I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you?" and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?
--Jenny, 11

From Sarah Hennelly, L.C.S.W.

Dear Jenny,

It sounds like you're feeling pretty upset and desperate about this situation. Its important for you to know that what this boy is doing to you is bullying and verbal and physical harassment. No one deserves to be bullied and your school has rules against this. You have the right for the bully's behavior to stop.

You should think of some adults that you trust to talk to about the bullying. Some trustworthy adults might be your parents, teachers, school counselors, school deans or even your school principal. Its important to tell the adult EXACTLY what is happening, even if its embarrassing to say it (including when, how many times, and where). Its also important to tell the adult how the bullying is making you feel and that you want the adult to make the bullying stop. If you know of other students who are being bullied by the same boy, you might be able to get a group together to go talk to an adult. Sometimes its easier when we have friends on our side.

Some students are afraid to report bullying because they are afraid the bullying will get worse. If youre worried about this, make sure you also let the adult know this. Even though it can be hard to report bullying, it is also a very brave thing to do. You will not only be helping yourself, but you will also be helping your classmates! Good luck!

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Dear IML,
I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harrass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.
--Kiara, 13

From Josephine Schiff, MSW, LCSW

Dear Kiara,
I want to be very clear about this subject, because it is a very serious one. Repeat after me..."No means No." Kiara, let me ask you a question. If this boy was doing this to your younger sister, or your BFF, wouldn't your reaction be different? You'd probably stand up for your sister, and you'd encourage your BFF to tell someone. It shouldn't be any different for you. This boy's behavior is sexual harassment, and you must tell a school counselor. No more second (or twenty-second) chances for him. He is the one who is at fault, not you. Tell a counselor or your mother today. I know that this will not be easy, but I am pretty confident that your mom would not want you to be treated like this. Show her your letter and my reply if that will help. You can do it! Good luck, and let us at IML know how things worked out.

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