Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?
--Rebecca, 10

Dear Rebecca,
I remember my mom making me wear bras as early as 11-12 years old, and my friends would tease me a bit at first, but it stopped eventually (within a couple of months.) In case your friends are starting to make you feel ashamed of wearing a bra, you should know that there's nothing wrong with wearing one at 10, and that many girls start wearing bras at this age -- even if the other girls in your class don't. Really, the simplest advice I can give you is to just talk to your friends. They may not know you have a problem with them teasing you -- you said yourself that you "laugh it off." Your friends probably wouldn't tease you if they knew it actually upset you. Your friends are there to make you feel good, not to hurt you! If they don't stop teasing you after you talk to them, then you have to ask yourself: are these other girls really your friends? My friends stopped when I finally asked them to stop, because they realized it really was bothering me. If your friends really do care about you, they will too. Good luck!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Dear Rebecca,
It sounds like you are just getting your "womanly curves" sooner than your friends. Although they may laugh at you now, they too will have a bra one day just like you. I think it's great that you love wearing a bra, I know I did when I was just starting to wear one. However, it's completely understandable for you to be feeling hurt when your friends point and laugh. I'm wondering if you ever spoke to them about how that makes you feel? If not, you might want to consider doing that. A lot of the times our friends don't realize that what they're doing is actually hurting our feelings, especially if we just laugh it off. If they truly are your friends, then they will care about your feelings. Just remember to be calm and nice when you approach them, that way they will not be on the defensive and rather, take what you say seriously.
--Joy, IML Mentor

Rebecca,
I know how it feels to be the only on in your class who wears a bra. That happened to me, too. I would suggest talking to your friends and tell them how you feel. Hopefully they understand. If that doesn't work, another option would be to tell them that they may be starting to wear one soon, too, and that they wouldn't like it if someone was making fun of them. These are two of the things that I did. If that still doesn't work, just tell them straight up that you don't like it. You should be able to be honest with your friends. I hope this helps! Good luck!
--Emily, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?
--Kel, 11

Dear Kel,
It's always tough when there are rumors going around about you. I was in a similar situation once and I remember thinking that everyone was staring and making fun of me behind my back. It's an awful feeling and I'm sorry you have to go through it. However, the truth is that even though we may think that everyone is talking about us, they usually aren't and even if people are, then the rumors blow over pretty quickly most of the time. It seems like at school people always find something else to gossip about sooner or later once the new hot news becomes old and worn out. The best way to stop the spread of gossip is to stop making a big deal about what people are saying. If you care about what people are saying about you, then they are going to keep talking about it. However, if you act like there is nothing wrong then the rumor is no longer fun to talk about. In other words, when there is no fuel there is no fire. Hope everything works out!
--Joy, IML Mentor

Hi Kel,
Rumors are no fun for anyone, but the way you handle the situation can literally change the outcome of the whole situation. First of all, try not to get emotional about the whole thing. When I think back to the best way to kill a fake rumor, it's to act like it doesn't matter, and it's so ridiculous it's actually funny that anyone could even think about it. If you have this attitude and play off the whole thing as a funny misunderstanding, then chances are people won't continue wasting their time talking about it. Don't let this bother you, even though it's hard to hear people talking about you especially when what they're saying isn't true. Keep your head high and don't let it get to you! You can also set a good example for others in the future by not passing on hurtful rumors that you hear about other people.
--Stormie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!
--Jacqueline, 11

Dear Jacqueline,
Please, please, please tell an adult you can trust about this -- like your teacher, or parents...or even an older sibling. They'll probably be able to help you better than I can, but I'll try my best to offer advice now. If you really want to make the teasing stop, stand up to the people who bully you. Tell them, "I'd dress like you, except I really don't want to compromise my individuality," or, "If I wanted, I could dress like you, but who wants to be ordinary?" I admire that you haven't conformed and dressed the way those bullies dress. That takes real belief in yourself, and I really applaud you. What I suggest is this: get a new best friend. Because a real best friend would NEVER put you down. Oh yes, and by the way, Jacqueline, I wear glasses too, and I think it makes people's eyes look bigger and brighter, so please don't worry about the people who call you four-eyes. Would they rather you stumble down the halls blindly? They don't know anything about wearing glasses - they're not in the elite Glasses Club like we are. =) I really hope I helped!
--Roxanne, IML Mentor

Hey Jacqueline!
Just like you, I was bullied when I was about your age. I had just moved to a new town from my old town and people called me really mean names. I moved from a bad neighborhood to a suburb, and the kids called me names like "Thug" and "White Trash." I would cry almost every day. I eventually went to the vice principal about the issue because I couldn't handle it anymore. She was so helpful. She took notes on every person and everything they said. The kids got caught and a few of them got suspended. About a year later, one of the girls who'd bullied me came up to me. She apologized for everything she did to me, and now we are actually good friends. So anyway, I definitely suggest going to a principal or guidance counselor. In middle school, they don't call the bullies into the office. They literally catch them in the act. Most teachers stand outside the classrooms during pass time? All teachers are informed when a kid is getting bullied, and they almost always get caught. All the teachers in your school are there to help you, in class and out of class. You can't learn if you're in fear of being bullied. The teachers won't be able to help you unless you speak up. Regarding your style, DON'T change because other people don't like your style. It's not their business what you wear. And if anyone bullies you, ask them "How would you feel if someone said that to you?" and walk away. They will be so surprised, they might not even know what to say. I really do hope these kids stop bullying you :)
--Alison, IML Mentor

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