Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!
--Kaity, 13

Hey Kaity!
There's absolutely nothing wrong with listening to "oldies." Part of the reason they're still around is because they are classic and good. Do you think anyone will be listening to the stuff on the radio right now in 30 years? (Probably not.) When people accuse you of listening to "lame" or "old" music, don't make excuses for what you like. They'll use your lack of confidence to put you down. Take what they say as a fact, not an accusation. So instead of reacting to "You like Barry Manilow?" with a long-winded explanation, simply say, "Yes." You don't need to apologize for who you are. You'd be surprised at how far a little confidence can go. Good luck, and listen to what you want!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Hey Kaity,
Honestly, if it's not one thing you're being teased about it's another. When I was in the 6th grade this kid used to rub my tummy and call me Buddha. I would be so angry I wanted to beat him up (maybe it would have been more appropriate to sit on him!). The point is, there will always be someone who wants to make a big deal out of the differences between you and him or her. If you think differently, you're singled out. If you dress differently, you're singled out. If you're like everyone else, however, you blend right in. So, Kaity, it's up to you. Do you want to be like everyone else? Do you want to follow only what is popular? Or do you want to be you? Do you want to like Barry Manilow and the rest of the rockin' oldies? If you choose the latter, the next step is to tell the bullies to leave you alone. It doesn't matter what they say you're not going to change who you are! You're not that kind of girl! They're just wasting their breath. Maybe they'll still tease you. Just remember that being different, being who you are, will always be under scrutiny. The key, I think, is to find friends like you so that you know you are not alone. For me, now in college, I find it hard to keep friends with ideas like mine, but just crossing paths with them is enough to let me know I'm sane. OK, Kaity, be strong! Blast Barry in your bedroom, and know that no one in this world can change you. Besides, you're already perfect. And by that I mean perfection is being who you are.
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
In school people call me "freckle face." I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?
--Laura, 11

Hi Laura!
The only way you can stop people from making fun of you is by changing how you feel about your appearance. (This is easier said than done, but it can be done!) The sad truth is that kids find things that you are insecure about and use those to make you feel bad. Usually they pick something that makes you different: in your case, it's your freckles. You have to realize that your freckles aren't bad--they make you unique and beautiful. (By the way, I think freckles are really cute. I have some too.) As far as braces go, a ton of kids your age will be getting them soon, so I don't think it will be a problem. But if people do make fun of you, you really have to wonder why they'd bother making fun of you about something as common as braces. Good luck, and remember that what makes you unique makes you you!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Laura,
Don't let those people put you down, girl! Freckles are awesome! They add so much character to a person's face and make you look so uniquely gorgeous! You should not even stress about what those people think of you because they obviously have their own self-esteem issues and feel the need to pick on you just so they can make themselves feel all high and mighty. If you can, try to say something in response like, "Yah, I have freckles and I'm darn proud of them!" This way you're killing all of the pleasure they get out of making fun of you and eventually, they will most likely stop. I also feel for you with the whole braces thing. I too have braces and I thought they would stink, however they really aren't that bad. Many people have braces and freckles, and they are just something you have to embrace about yourself. Flaunt what your mama gave you (or the orthodontist)! I hope you end up smiling proudly soon!
--Joy, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!
--Alison, 12

Hey Alison!
At this point, if your teacher isn't doing anything, you need to find another adult. Talk to your school guidance counselor or even the principal if it gets worse. You've done the right thing by standing up for her, but sometimes that isn't enough. I think it's awesome that you realize that making fun of her is wrong, and I hope the rest of the kids in your class see that soon. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Alison,
First of all, let me say that I really admire you for sticking up for others. Your problem is one that a lot of people have, and it's difficult to solve because it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with other people. Is there any way that you can avoid the people who are teasing you? These people don't sound like they're worth hanging out with. The thing that you need to keep in mind is that these people are teasing you because they need to save face. When you stand up for someone against them it makes them look really rude, and knowing this they try to defend themselves in the only way they can, by teasing you. My best advice is to try not to let these people bother you and stay strong. If you don't let them get reactions out of you then they will eventually leave you alone. Talk to them if you want and just ask straight out why they're teasing you. I bet that they will be caught off guard and they won't know what to say. But most importantly don't let them get to you. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
--Stormie, IML Mentor

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