Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.
--Mary, 11

Hi Mary,
It has been said many times and must be said again: Everyone matures at his or her own rate because we are all different. Thats okay. I think its great that youre still able to playMy advice is to hold onto that piece of you that is connected to your childhood for as long as you can. I can tell you from experience, you dont want to grow up too fast. There are times in my life when I wish I could still run and play, but being a teenager brings new expectations of how youre supposed to behave. Those other girls your age might be teasing you because theyre not comfortable with who they are. When people dress and act older, they sometimes do it because they feel they have to put on a show on the outside, to hide how insecure they are on the inside. Remember also that anyone who has to tease or put down another person is not really mature at allremind yourself that theyre being childish, too. Mary, be proud of who you are, and dont let anyone take away your childhood. Its a beautiful thing.
--Carren, IML Mentor

Dear Mary,
My friend got made fun of for watching "Barney" when we were younger. So your problem is not uncommon, but I think it really just means that you are interested in other things than wearing sexy clothes at this point in your life. I actually think that's cool that you're doing your own thing! Personally, I 'm glad there are still kids out there who don't need to dress like that. You need to hold onto your childhood, as well as yourself. Plus, if you were to dress and act like those girls, you wouldn't have fun anyway, because that's not your thing. Grow at your own pace, and try to find friends that like the same things you like.
--Samantha, IML Mentor

Dear Mary,
I'm older, but I still love Full House and have my dolls. I dont think that there is anything wrong with wearing bows and acting nice. My little sister is 11, too, and she still loves to watch cartoons. I encourage her to watch shows like Dragon Tales because they deal with morals that are the ones I want for her as she grows up. Don't feel intimidated by what you see others do. You know what is right for you and that is what is most important.
--Leah, IML Mentor

Dear Mary,
The fact that people surrounding you are trying to be older and, possibly, something they are not doesnt mean that you have to do that too. If you enjoy watching "Dragon Tales" and playing with dolls, then keep doing that! Do what makes you happy. You will grow up soon enough -- we all do -- but until then, just be 11 years oldwhatever that means for you. I think that it is great that you enjoy dolls and bows; thats who you are right now! I was the same way when I was 11! When people give you a hard time about your interests, the only thing you can do is ignore them. I know thats easier said than done, but the important thing is for you to focus on yourself and enjoy where you are at the moment. Good luck!
--Kerri, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!
--Donavon, 11

Dear Donavon,
Your situation reminds me exactly of my twin brother when we were your age. Me and him have always been best friends and hang out all the time, but I also hang out with my girl friends a lot too, so he's grown up with mostly all girl friends. A lot of dumb guys used to bug him in the exact same way guys are bugging you. But it turned out that they were feeling threatened by and were jealous of my brother because he was good friends with girls the other guys had crushes on. He's a lot more sociable than other guys now. He knows what girls like and what they don't like, how girls think, and how to deal with the 'girly stuff' that other guys can't. In fact, girls come to him for advice about guys and to get a guy's point of view and opinion! To sum it up, you have the advantage in the long run (which is probably in the not-so-distant future for you). It could be that these boys are too narrow-minded and immature to realize that guys and girls can be 'just friends' and you're obviously a better and much more intelligent person than they are. Be happy with your friends; don't change who you're friends with because of some dumb people. If it continues to bug you a lot, try talking to your girl friends about it. I'm sure they'll come up with some good ideas and support.
--Rachel, IML Mentor

Hey Donavon!
Let me first say that it is perfectly normal to hang out with people of the opposite sex! Girl friends and guy friends have different things that are great about them, and you're just partial to your female friends. The boys who are making fun of you might just be jealous that you talk to all the girls! Or they could still be in that stage where they think they'll catch 'girl germs.' Luckily, you have enough courage to ignore the potential germs and that's awesome! Hopefully those guys will grow up and realize how immature they are. Until then, don't worry about what they think. Anyone who tells you who and who should not be your friends isnt worth listening to.
--Lauren, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?
--Will, 11

Dear Will,
I understand just how you feel! When I was younger, my dad made me wear wrist guards, kneepads, and a helmet when I went rollerblading. Money was tight, so he made kneepads out of old socks and a baby diaper! Talk about embarrassing!!! I totally got laughed at. But I know that my dad just wanted to make sure that I was safe. What helped me was telling myself that if I did fall down and get badly hurt, I wouldnt have been able to go rollerblading at all. Think of it as a small price to pay for doing something you enjoy. Getting laughed at may only last a little while -- and I wouldnt be surprised if the other kids soon get tired of it and ease up on you -- but an injury lasts a lot longer.
--Leah, IML Mentor

Dear Will,
I know what you are going through. I had the exact same experience in elementary school where my parents forced me to wear wrist guards when no one else was. The truth is, your parents are only looking out for your best interest and safety. I've learned from experience that when other kids make fun of little things like wrist guards and helmets, its just in fun and they really don't mean anything by it. Do you get teased about other things? Is there someone in particular, like a bully, who gives you a hard time even when youre not rollerblading? If thats the case, it sounds like you have a bigger problem that needs to be addressed, and you should speak to a trusted adult about it. If youre only being teased about the wrist guards, try laughing with the other kids to show that it doesnt upset you. It can help to say something like, Yeah, arent they ugly? I call them my dork-armor. Remember that when other kids see that the teasing doesnt bother you, theyll most likely get bored with it.
--Jordan, IML Mentor

Will,
Rollerblading is one of my most ultimate favorite things. My parents used to have to force me to wear wrist guards, but after my dad broke his wrist rollerblading -- while not wearing wrist guards, of course -- I don't complain about them anymore. The bottom line is, your parents are trying to keep you safe. My suggestion? Try making your wrist guards look cooler and really unique (as long as its okay with your folks). I painted mine and wrote things on them. You can also use stickers! Instead of unwanted safety gear, youll have a great accessory thats an expression of who you are.
--Danielle, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to
accept me?
--Layla, 10

Dear Layla,
I think just about everyone goes through what you are describing -- wanting your classmates to accept you for who you are. Sometimes kids can be mean to other kids who look, act, or sound different than they do because they just dont know about the other persons culture. It sounds like this is whats happening to you, but dont feel like youre alone, because it happens to so many others. It happened to me when some kids cracked jokes about Chinese people because Im Asian, and they didnt know that there were many different types of Asian people. In fact, Im Korean, but Im also American because I was born in the U.S. Sometimes it can be hard when it seems like no one is on your side, but the first thing you should remember is to just be yourself and not try to change who you are in order to impress others. If their teasing is actually bullying, though, its important that you talk to your teacher, school counselor, or parents. If its just teasing, then I would suggest that you just ignore them. One thing you can do is try to make friends with quieter classmates who are not mean to you. Once you have some friends on your side, youll be amazed how much easier it is to ignore the people who mock you. Once they see that their taunts dont bother you, theyre more likely to stop and move on. The most important thing is to stay strong and dont let them get you down!
--Hydie, IML Mentor

Dear Layla,
It takes time for people to accept something or someone different. If at the moment your classmates arent accepting you, perhaps its just because theyre not used to you yet. After youve been in your new school for some time and gotten to know some of your classmates, maybe youll find out that you have certain things in common. I think with some patience and faith in yourself, youll eventually make some great friends.
--Tiffany, IML Mentor

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