Advice Questions about Getting Picked On:

• I'm going to Middle School next year. Of course, I am quite excited! The only problem is, I'm accused of being 'emo.' I know when you're emo you hurt yourself and write sad stuff, poetry, stories, etc. Being really smart doesn't help either. I'm known for being the smart girl that likes to help people. But, whenever someone wants me to help, their friends accuse me of being emo. I love helping people! Do you have any advice? I really would like people to stop accusing me of something I don't even do!

• I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

• I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!

• I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!

• I am the only girl in my class who wears a bra. When my friends see me in it, they start laughing and pointing. I laugh it off, but every day I feel more hurt. I love wearing a bra, and I don't want to get rid of it. What should I do?

• A person has started a rumor about me that I wear a thong! I'm in 6th grade. Can you tell me what to do to help me stop this rumor?"

• I go to an advanced class and for some strange reason, everyone picks on me! They call me names like " Pimple Face" because I always get one huge zit on my cheek and my chin. And I just got glasses and I am 100% certain that they're gonna call me 4-eyes. Even my best friend says things that are horrible about me. Some of the things they say are like telling me that I am weird, ugly, stupid, annoying, or that I dress badly. I am a huge tomboy so I wear football jerseys, baseball caps, basketball uniforms, baggy pants, big shirts, and my hair is always down and messy. I just want it to stop!!! I can't take it anymore! They tease me so bad, that I come home and cry for at least an hour! Please!!! Make it stop!!

• My best friend makes fun of me because I'm not as developed as the other girls in my grade. All of my closest friends give me a hard time about it. They will even say it in front of people I like. I have tried talking to them about it but they just deny they ever said it. Now everyone in middle school thinks of me as flat-chested. What should I do?

• I am a big tomboy and everyone always picks on me. They think it doesn't bother me but it does sometimes. I just want curl into a ball and stay away from all of them. Even my friends pick on me about letting my pants hang down and wearing boxers and always wearing a hat backwards. I like the way I look but nobody else does. All the boys pick on me and call me bad names. They always put me down and mostly every day I feel like no one wants me to be around them, so I mostly always stay in. What should I do about everyone saying these things to me?

• My best friend and I are outcasts on our swim team. Everyone hates me because of what I like, and they hate my friend because she's from a different team. I cry a lot and my mom wants to tell their mom and I'll feel like a baby hiding behind a mom if she does. I used to enjoy it, but now it feels like a death sentence to go to practice. I really want them to stop being so mean but I'm really shy and don't know how to defend myself. Hope you can help, this is really important to me and my friend.

• "I am being teased a lot because I listen to oldies like Barry Manilow. It's not my fault I grew to like it! Help!!!!!"

• In school people call me freckle face. I don't like it but I'm very shy and soon I'm getting braces, so then people will make fun of me more. I'm way too shy to stand up for myself. My friend stands up for me a lot but isn't always around when I need her most. What should I do?

• There's a girl in my class that everyone picks on, and I want it to stop. But when I stand up for her they make fun of me too! How can I make sure we both don't get picked on? We've tried everything! Some other girls even told a teacher but it didn't help!

• I am a Christian. I go to church, and everything. But some of the people think I'm weird and stupid because I go to church. Should I stand up for myself? Or should I hang low?

• I am in 6th grade. I play sports, and although I am not the best player, I got an award for best team spirit. There are some boys in my gym class that pick on me every day and call me names. My mom wants to get involved because she says she is worried about me. I play bassoon in band and am in advanced classes in school. The boys who pick on me really hurt my feelings by telling me I don't have any friends, which I don't have a lot of. Now, I don't want to play sports because they pick on me if I do but if I quit they will pick on me too. I love school but I dread gym class, that is where these boys mostly pick on me. What can I do to make them stop?

• I'm having trouble with this kid. At my locker he is always jamming it, so I can't open it. Then if I get him angry, he will punch me and drop his books on me. I want to tell him how I feel, but he always says, Jenny you're such an idiot, why should I listen to you? and I get furious. I'm not the only one with this problem. What should I do to save myself and the class?

• I am in the 8th grade and have a problem. There is a boy in my grade who is always touching me in places I am not comfortable with. Sometimes he pretends to be shaking my hand then touches my chest in a very weird way. The first time he did it, I thought he just missed or something, but he kept on doing it. I have asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't. Today he snapped my bra (which has become a habit of his). I have threatened to tell the school counselor but he continues to harass me. I don't want to get him in trouble because he was my best friend last year and we are still close. His mom is my mom's best friend since college and I don't want to ruin that. Please help me, IML.

• I am 11 years old, and I get made fun of because I watch shows like Dragon Tales. I still play with dolls, wear bows in my hair, and try to dress and act nice. I love all the things like that, but other girls my age act like theyre older and dress sexy. Please help me in what to do about it. Thank you so much.

• Other boys at school make fun of me because I mostly hang out with girls. They say Im not normal and I am getting tired of it! Help me please!

• My parents keep making me wear these dumb wrist guards when I go rollerblading. No one else is wearing any padding and I get laughed at. I can't change their minds. What should I do?

• I originally come from Canada, but am living in South Africa. I go to a South African school. It is okay, but the people mock my accent and don't take me seriously. What should I do to get them to accept me?

• "There is this boy I like and I haven't kissed him yet, but everyone is spreading rumors and saying that I did kiss him. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

• "I have a friend who is made fun of a lot. Since I play with her and sit by her, I get made fun of too. I can't tell the teacher. What should I do?"

• "At school, sometimes people make fun of how big my lips are and how big my nose is. I hate it. What should I do if it happens again?"

• Ashley, Matt, and Phill want to know how to handle it when people make fun of them because they're overweight.

  
  

• "I am in grade 5. I am the tallest kid in the class, and I am sort of one of the biggest kids in my class. All of the boys call me 'Bigfoot' and a lot of common names that other people may be called. They think that I have no feelings because I am so tall and big. What should I do?"

  
  

• "I'm sick and tired of people making fun of my height. They call me 'Midget,' 'Shorty,' & they make fun of my weight, calling me 'Bones' + 'Skinny-Minny' & 'Anorexic.' What should I do?"

• Julia and Lila need advice because boys are teasing them physically.

• "I have been an American girl since 8 years old. I came from Vietnam. Now, when I was growing up and doing good in school, everyone teased me and my twin brother. They say I am Chinese and they try to say Chinese words, and now I feel bad about it. I need help!!!!!!! P.S. I am a fourth grader."

• "Some kids at school make fun of me all of the time. I'm afraid that they'll make up some excuse to get me in trouble if I tell them how I feel. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I get picked on for being flat chested by this guy. I notice that almost all of the girls in my grade have bigger breasts than me. This guy also makes fun of me because I haven't got my period and stuff like that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
--Muthia, 10

Dear Muthia,
I'm not going to lie to you and say this guy has a crush on you, so that's why he's teasing you. In fact, the guy just sounds like a bully to me. I have friends who have smaller breasts than I have, and I'm going into grade 11 next year! Everyone develops at different rates and nobody should be made to feel ashamed of their rate of development. It's just one of those things that you can't control. As for this bully, you should stand up and tell him that it's none of his business how fast you're developing. If he continues to bully, you then you should go to an adult you trust and tell them exactly what's going on. You may think that's a bad idea, or that nobody likes a "tattle-tale," but in the end, when you're happy with your body size because nobody made you feel bad about it, you'll be glad you did it. As for the "early developers," especially at your age... they tend to be quite embarrassed about having larger breasts. In fact, some may even envy you because you don't have to deal with your period once a month or wear bras all the time! I hope I helped, and remember - you shouldn't ever be ashamed of who you are.
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Hi, Muthia!
It seems to me that you don't have as big of a chest as you wished you would. When I was your age, I got made fun of because my chest was the smallest in my class. One thing you really have to keep in mind is that everyone starts changing at a different time. Some people start developing as soon as 9 years old, others at 13 or 14!! The average age to start your period is 10-14. As far as getting made fun of goes, you really need to stand up for yourself and tell him to stop. If that does not work, and he is still doing it, tell someone who can make it stop. Maybe you telling him won't make it stop, but I'm pretty sure a teacher will! I really hope this helps you out!! Good Luck!
--Emily, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I have been having a horrible year this year! Almost all the kids in my class hate me! I have bad acne, glasses, and am very tall and skinny. So far, I have had taunts and insults ever day this year. I had my winter jacket stolen, one guy threatened to beat me up, and I got a note saying, "Go jump in a hole." My parents and teacher are really involved, and I've talked to my class about how hurt I feel. My family, teacher, and I have done every possible thing I can think of, but it's only getting worse. What do I do? I need to get some friends and some control in my life!
--Bee, 12

Dear Bee,
Have you considered changing schools? Not all schools are the same; some are more accepting of kids who are thought of as "different" than others. It sounds to me like you've done everything you can in this situation, so changing schools or ignoring the taunts seem to me to be your only options. You could also join an extra-curricular activity -- like swimming or chess -- to see if you can put yourself out there and make some friends. If you can't change schools, then you can find friends in all sorts of different places. Although they might not always be there to protect you, they can always be there for you at the end of the day. I should know: if I hadn't had friends when I was bullied in grade 7, I would have become very depressed. So I feel for you. I know what it feels like to be made fun of. Look for friends wherever you go -- in the classroom (you did say ALMOST everyone hates you, which means there are a few that don't), on the playground, in your neighborhood, and in extra-curricular activities. Most of all, tell yourself that you WILL get through this. You'll fill out, your glasses might eventually change into contacts, your bad acne will go away, and suddenly all those kids that were taunting you will want to become your best friends. You will get the last laugh out of this if you just hang in there.
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Dear Bee,
It sounds like you are feeling really down lately. That is completely understandable considering how badly your classmates have been treating you. I would imagine that you are feeling really lonely because it seems like you have no friends to talk to. I think that it is great that you are talking to a counselor and trying to change the situation you are in. I would imagine that it might be hard for you to make yourself vulnerable to people and reach out, especially when you keep getting disappointed; however, keep trying to meet new people because when you do gain a friend it will be worth it. Maybe you could try joining clubs or sports teams you are interested in. That way you get to meet people that are interested in the same thing you are and you have that connection with them. Also, if you don’t feel comfortable with anyone at school, you might want to make some friends outside of school. You could join a youth group or volunteer somewhere where you get to meet people who are like you. Hope everything works out for you.
--Joy, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I'm in the 7th grade and I get bullied ALOT. The dean, counselor, and even the assistant principal are aware of it. They even switched my class! But in my new class I still get bullied! I talk to the counselor almost every day and nothing seems to work! I do the right things by ignoring them and not responding back. But it stills continues on and on. On top of that when I try to stick up for myself they just laugh and continue their nonsense. I really can't take it anymore, nowadays I dread going to school, I don't even look forward towards another day. What should I do? Please IML I really need your help!
-Sanam, 13

From Faye Terrebonne Arco, M.Ed., Drug Prevention School Safety Specialist, PPS - School Counseling

Dear Sanam,
Does your school have conflict managers, peer leaders, or conflict mediators? Why not sign up for the training? While you are learning to help others, you can benefit from the skills you use. Sometimes, we don't realize that we are giving off the victim signals. Of course the bullying is not your fault and it is causing you stress and pain. I am wondering if the dean, counselor, or assistant principal has considered a meeting with you, your parents, the students who are bullying you and their parents. Sometimes clearing the air can put an end to this type of abuse. As a school counselor, I deal with many students who exhibit bullying qualities. Once we meet and they understand how it would feel if they are on the receiving end, they usually end that behavior. There is a wonderful book called The Bully Free Classroom. Would your counselor consider allowing you and two of the other students to help her present these lessons to the class? When students see you as a leader, they treat you as a leader.

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