Advice Questions about Parents:

• "My parents went to this meeting about your children and computers, and now I feel like they don't trust me and want to know every detail of my life. They want to know my school e-mail password and my dad even checks the history after I've used the computer! HELP!"

• "My mom is always spending time with my 2 little brothers even though I'm her only daughter. We never get to talk about mother/daughter stuff. How can I find a way to talk to my mom and spend more one-on-one time with her?"

• "I just learned about puberty, getting your period and other things like shaving and growing breasts. I'm excited for these things to happen to me so I can feel more grown up. I think I'm way too young to be starting these things and I'm afraid my parents think the same. I always get my courage worked up to talk to my mom and then it goes away. I try writing letters to my mom but she still hasn't talked to me about it yet. When I ask her to bring me to the store to buy a bra, she thinks I'm kidding. I think I need one because I feel self-conscious about my body if I don't have one on. I really need help talking to my mom. What should I do?"

• "My mom only lets me watch baby stuff, like Dora, Teletubbies, and Dragon Tales. I really want mom to let me watch older shows. What should I do?"

• "I think my mom hates me. She really never spends time with me and when she angry she calls me a mistake and calls me names. Also lately she’s become very mean and gives me a glare every time I walk past her. What should I do to make her not so mean anymore and make her like me again?"

• "My parents just got a divorce and every weekend we switch off (my mom's weekend one week and my dad's weekend the next week). I live with my mom and I hate going over to my dad's house, but I don't want to tell him that I don't like coming over because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Please tell me what to do!"

• "I can never talk to my mom about anything! If I tell her something she ends up telling her friends and my dad and everyone. How can I stop my mom from telling everyone my feelings?"

• "I broke my parents' trust. Now they won't let me back online, just because someone on my friends list was not who they said they were. I don't think I did anything wrong, but I'm being punished for it. What can I do to earn back my parents' trust?"

• "When my parents get angry at me, they call me names like "a good for nothing" and "useless" and it really hurts. And sometimes it's not even my fault or they're being unreasonable. What should I do?"

• "My parents are 'taking a break' and each night I cry, even when my dad calls to read me and my brother a story. I don't want to tell him I cry every night but it's bringing me and my mom pain."

• My parents are so controlling and never let me make my own decisions. This summer they are making me go to stupid camps and I don't have a choice. It's just so hard because I know they love me...and they wanna help me not be alone all summer...but it's driving me crazy! This summer I planned on hanging out with friends and going in my pool. I hate this! Please help me. I'm miserable!

• I am 13 and my mom is always trying to butt into my life! I know sheis just trying to help but she always asks me, Are you and your friends fighting? Why aren't you hanging out with so-and-so this weekend? It gets so annoying! I told her that I would tell her when I want to talk but she still doesn't listen! I have a boyfriend and she is afraid we're going to go too far too young! I tell her that I can make my own decisions and that I know what is too far but she still doesn't trust me with it. What should I do?

• My mom doesn't trust my friends. She doesn't let me go to their houses and she doesn't let them come to mine. She asks me about how good their grades are and stuff, but I don't want to tell her because she tells me to make new friends if they don't get good grades! She's always worried about this stuff and never let me sleep over at their houses! I am seriously stressed out about this because I'm always alone on the weekends!!!! I need to make her trust my friends, I need to tell her that I DO KNOW how to make good friends!

• Okay, so I am 9 and my parents will not let me have a sleepover. I mean, what is up with that? My older sister is 14 and has sleepovers all the time. Please help me make my parents trust me to have a sleepover! THANKS!

• I caught my MOM reading my DIARY!!!!! It has all my problems and crushes in it. Can you please give me some advice?

• My dad has anger problems. He gets mad at someone and takes it out on the whole family. Just 5 minutes ago, I was getting gum and I heard my dad say to my mom, "Why'd you let her put the blank on in there?" (Blank means an inappropriate word.) He was so mad I started crying and said, "You obviously don't care about how I feel, so just watch what you want!" I was giving him what he wanted, yet he yelled "TURN IT DOWN!" Every night I cry myself to sleep because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Then he acts all lovey-dovey and then he gets all mad again. What should I do?

• My parents have been fighting so much lately. I'm always scared because I'm afraid something bad will happen. I don't want it to affect school. I don't want to lose another father, or my little sister to have the same problem. What can I do?

• PLEASE HELP ME. My mom isn't letting me go to a school dance, and she won't tell me why! I think she's worried that I might do drugs or something, but I SWEAR TO ANYTHING I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT. And my parents know so, they trust me. But they never let me go to dances and I'm in grade 9!!! How can I make them change their minds?

• "My mom just had a baby. He cries a lot and she ignores me! What should I do?"

• I feel like I am to blame for my parents getting separated. They have been separated since I was 10. I feel like now I don't exist in their worlds. All the attention goes to my brother and sister. What should I do with this problem? mom!

• My mom is SO annoying. My friend's mom is SO awesome; my friend can tell her mom ANYTHING. I can't talk to my mom about personal stuff like guys that I think are hot and other girl stuff, if u know what I mean. She always bothers me about celebs that I like. Even if I did talk to her, she would tell my dad everything that I told her and he would bother me about it. Other than not being able to talk to her about certain stuff, she's a great mom!

• My parents don't listen to me. They don't take my opinions into consideration AT ALL! When I ask if they are even listening to what I am saying, they say they are, but they don't understand that hearing what I'm saying and respecting my opinions are two totally different things. I don't care if they agree with me, but when I try to talk things out with them, they are planning what they will ground me from or what they will say to me after I'm finished AS I AM SPEAKING! They don't let me explain my actions and it hurts me! When I try to explain why I feel neglected and ignored by them, they just ground me for a few weeks. How can I confront them and tell them to listen without being punished unreasonably? Help!

• "My parents are pushing me WAY too much. I do well in school and am in many advanced classes. I used to play piano, but I had too many other commitments. I play volleyball almost year-round, and at the moment I am not doing so now. It's almost the end of the school year, so I want that time to study for finals, but my parents keep pushing me to play volleyball, get a job, take more advanced classes, and do well in all of them! What should I do?!"

• "I have a disabled sib; he has autism. But at home I think he's just my bro. My parents don't. They think the world revolves around him. When I talk to them about it they say that I'm being dramatic and that I want the world to revolve around me! They've tried to explain to me that he has a disability and I know that. I'm never alone with them so I can't do anything without him coming and messing it up! How can I get them to understand that all I want is a little more attention without being rude or whiny?"

• I have 2 baby sisters and a toddler brother whos a handful. I am the good kid but Im the one whos blamed if my folks dont get enough sleep, Im the one whos always sweared at and Im the one who gets in trouble for no reason whatsoever! Anyway, I really would love it if you could give me some advice.

• I just turned 13 and I am so loving it. But it's not fair that my parents are always over my shoulder! I think that if they could, they would strap a video camera to my head and let me walk around with it all day. Whenever I come home from school my dad calls me and asks me like a billion questions like: What took you so long to get home? or Did you see any boys today? I mean REALLY! What should I do?

• I am in 7th grade. At the end of last year, my mom got me a bra. But it was just a plain cotton one. I want push-up bras or ones that aren't boring like cotton. All my friends have them. I don't know how to ask my mom because she's not that easy to talk to about these things. In 5th grade, I asked her about getting a bra and she said that I didn't need one yet. I guess I am just afraid of being turned down.

• My dad eats a lot of bad food. My family tells him that it is bad for him, but he doesn't listen. I'm afraid he is going to die. What should I do?

• Hi, I really love my mom. But, she loves my hair long. I am really tired of it. The same old everyday. I am ready to make a change. I feel I am responsible enough to get my hair cut. How can I convince her that I want my hair cut, without hurting her feelings?

• I live with only my dad (my mom's dead) and I want a bra but I'm embarrassed to ask my dad to get me one. If I get one without his permission and he finds out, he'll be angry and ask me questions, like why I thought I needed a bra. I wouldn't be comfortable talking to him about that kind of stuff! I've asked someone else for advice and they said to write him a letter, but it didn't work. What should I do?

• I really want to babysit these 2 kids in my neighborhood. They don't even live far away, just 3 houses down. Their parents have asked me a couple of times. But I had to refuse because my parents think it's too dangerous, even though I'll be around the neighborhood! I want to make some money to buy things not only for myself, but for presents. My 11-year-old friend Sara babysits. Why can't I? How can I convince them?

• OkayMy dad is into God and all, but I just dont believe in the same things. How do I tell my dad that I dont want to go to church? He says I dont have to go, but the alternative is being grounded for a week! I dont know what to do. The more I go to church, the more I know its not right for me.

• I went to school in the 2nd grade and now I'm in the 5th. I've been home schooled most all my life. I want to go to school again and get friends cause I dont have many. But my mom says I'm the same boy cause I was a troublemaker but I'm not. I've changed a lot. How do I get her to let me? Thanks.

• My mom seems really depressed. When I come home from school, she's crying. And that makes me want to cry, too. I've already had a bad day! I lost my crush to someone else, my teacher's mean, and now I have to listen to this! It makes me sad and I hate it. She doesn't have the energy to do things around the house. Last night my dad had to cook dinner because my mom was crying herself to sleep on the couch. I give her a hug and tell her I love her, but that doesn't seem to make things better. What should I do?

• My parents are so overprotective! They won't let me get a cell phone. They think that it's way too expensive and I don't need one because there's always pay phones. Well, I have been researching phones for about a YEAR and I found that there are some REALLY CHEAP phones. But they don't care. And where I live, there are almost NO payphones. Everyone has a cell phone. They think that I will call bad people. I'm only going to use it for emergencies, talk to my parents, and MAYBE call my friends. But any time I talk to them about getting one they just laugh and think that I am joking. It makes me feel REALLY small.

• I want to wear two-piece bathing suits but my parents told me that I'm 'too young to show that much skin.' How can I convince them that I'm old enough to wear them?

• My mom and everybody in my family thinks I'm crazy! I tell them that someday I will run for first woman president of the U.S.A., and that I will be something bigand then they start laughing. I just wish they could know that they are hurting my feelings. Please help me!

• Me and my older sister both play soccer. Sometimes my parents set high goals for me so I can be as good as my sister. How can I be as good as her?

• A few years ago, I begged my mom to get me a doll that everyone had. Now, I never touch it, even though it was very expensive. My mom now wants to take me to a place in New York thats all about the doll: American Girl Place. Since I never play with my doll, I don't want to waste $500 on a trip there. My mom is all excited about it. Should I go or not?

• My parents always talk to me about embarrassing things in public. Like when were in a restaurant, my mom just starts talking about 'growing up,' if you know what I mean. I hate it when they do that. Even when I tell them this, they still do it. How can I get them to stop?

• Last spring my dad was having some problems. He didn't really have a good childhood and I don't know, he was kind of depressed and he went away and spent a month away from the family to 'sort things out.' When he came back at the beginning of the summer he seemed fine. But lately it seems like things are going back to the way they were, and he and my mom are spending a lot of time talking. I'm afraid that the same thing is going to happen again and I'm scared. What should I do?

• I never feel safe to express my feelings to my parents or sitting down and spending time with them. I need some help!

• My mom has made me play piano for 9 years. I hate it, and I've told her that lots of times. She says its good for me. I believe her, but I don't want to play piano, I want to play the guitar. I own a guitar and I play it often. My mom says I can start another instrument, only I can't stop piano. Help me please!!!!

• My mom wont let me go shopping at the mall, but all my friends and I want to go. What do I do to get my mom to let me go?

• My parents put a lot of pressure on me. I get good grades in school, but sometimes I feel like even A's and B's aren't enough for them. I still have to go to bed at 9pm, and they won't let me get instant messenger or go to any chat rooms or anything. It's almost as if they are trying to keep me a little kid. How can I express to them that I want to be able to grow up without feeling guilty?

• I think I have a singing/acting talent that I take seriously, but no one else will! Not even my parents! How do make people take my interests seriously?

• My mom doesn't want me in chat rooms. I like to go to chat rooms because it's fun to talk to other kids. I would never ever meet a perfect stranger in real life if I only talked to them in a chat room. And if someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I know that I should ignore that person and leave. I'm old enough and know all the safety precautions and stuff. How can I tell her that I'm old enough to just chat with other kids?

• My dad has gone out of town, which causes my mom loneliness even though I'm there. Recently she started college again, but that just passes the loneliness to me because on July 4th she had homework and that made
  her tired. A few neighbors were popping fireworks and I wanted my mom to see them but she didn't, and that made me feel like we were from different planets. In other words, we aren't spending much time together. What should I do?

• I feel I am a very responsible person, and I believe that I am capable of taking care of a dog, but my parents don't approve. How can I get their approval?

• Just like Nancy, one of my parents passed away (my dad), and now my mom is going out with a longtime friend of the family. I've talked to my mom and now she knows how I feel, but I just don't think she knows how much pain she's causing me. I just get so mad sometimes I want to cry.

• My mom is a very beautiful person. But ever since she remarried, she's changed. I don't like my stepfather because he is mean to me when we are alone. My mom has changed and now she's mean too. The only time I don't feel pressured is in school. I don't feel good at home. I'm afraid to talk to my mom about it. What should I do?

• My mom wont let me dress a certain way. Shes always telling me to be myself and to be original, but when I do she always tells me to go change.

• Brianna, Tamara, and Janelle all need advice on how to get their parents permission to start dating.

• My mom passed away, and my dad has been talking about dating lately. I don't want him to date, but I haven't told him this because I don't feel comfortable talking to him. He met a woman and they've been going steady. I don't like her and I haven't told him. The weird thing is that she is my best friend's aunt!!!!

• "My dad keeps calling me stupid, even though I really am not. I get straight A's and I have won the spelling bee before. But now, I find that I am starting to call myself stupid, and I feel that if I don't stop this, I am going to believe that I am stupid. I know that my dad is just kidding, but he never says that he is, so maybe he isn't. What should I do?"

• "My parents won't listen to me when I say that they can die from smoking. What can I do?"

• "We recently moved, and I'm not happy with the people or the location of my new home, and I need some time for just my mom and me. How do I approach my mom in a way that she doesn't feel criticized?"

• "My parents won't let me see a movie that I want to see really bad. What should I do?"

• "I want a raise on my allowance, but my mom won't even talk about it with me! I'm only asking for a $5 raise! What should I do?"

• "My parents are divorced and I live with my Dad. When I visit my Mom, I try to talk to her about me not wanting to live with her, and she keeps saying that I can't stay with my Dad all my life. What should I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings."

• "I can't talk to my parents about anything. I am an only child and often feel lonely. My parents are overprotective (they watch the news too much) and they have weird superstitions that something will happen to me. I feel like I am in a cage. I can't talk to anyone about it. Plz give me some advice on what to do."

• "My parents are way too protective. They won't let me have a spare key, they won't let me stay home alone, AND they won't let me have a sleepover without a month's notice! Help! How can I prove to them that I can do all this stuff?"

• "I can't talk to my mom or dad about grades. If I get an F
  my mom will flip out. What should I do?"

• "Every teacher has high expectations for me. My parents make me work way too hard. Recently, I got a 90% on my math test and my parents nearly blew the roof."

• Several of you had questions about how to handle it when your parents argue or call each other names in front of you.

• "My mom smokes way too much. She says she has it under control, but I think she's wrong. I don't want her to get sick and die, and now my friends say her breath smells. How can I tell her how I feel?"

• "My mom doesn't want me to go to middle school. Instead, she wants me to go to a Christian school. I really would like to stay with all of my friends. How do I talk to her about this?"

Dear IML,
My parents put a lot of pressure on me. I get good grades in school, but sometimes I feel like even A's and B's aren't enough for them. I still have to go to bed at 9pm, and they won't let me get instant messenger or go to any chat rooms or anything. It's almost as if they are trying to keep me a little kid. How can I express to them that I want to be able to grow up without feeling guilty?
--Maya, 12

Dear Maya,
It's natural to feel like nothing you do is enough to please your parents. I worry all the time about what my mom thinks. And you are right: Most parents do want to keep their children little kids. They know they can't hold on to you forever, but they're afraid that you're not ready to handle the tough and scary stuff that's out in the world, and they want to be able to protect you. But you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to grow up, because everyone has to do it sometime. Sit down with your parents and explain to them all the good things you've done that show responsibility (such as getting good grades, doing your chores, etc.). Tell them that you think that because of your responsibilities, you should be allowed one or two extra privileges. Just be honest with them and don't get overexcited; keep your cool and try to act mature. You might just find that parents can be pretty reasonable people sometimes!
--Rachel, IML Mentor

Hey Maya!
Sometimes, parents can be overprotective. I didnt get much pressure from my mom, but my dad really pushed me. Now I understand its because he understood what I was capable of doing and he didnt want to see me slack off. It may sound too simple, but I believe that the best way to get treated more grown up is to ACT more grown up. After all, actions speak louder than words! Little by little, start taking more initiative. Start by doing the dishes before your mom asks, or clean your room before you're told. Most importantly, be accountable for your actions. If you make a mistake or do something wrong, don't make excuses. Instead, admit your mistake and try to fix it, and commit yourself to not doing it again. Keep in mind, though, that although chatting online with friends and staying up until midnight can be fun, being more grown up has a lot of downsides. Once you start to be accountable for you actions, you cant go back; after you take on more responsibility, that's the way it will be for life. Good luck!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Hi Maya,
Believe it or not, it is possible to grow up and still listen to your parents. Open a discussion about letting you go to bed a little later or getting an instant messenger, and listen to what they have to say in return. Make compromises. Perhaps you could reach an agreement that you will stay up an extra 45 minutes each night to start with, and you will make sure you are in bed by that time every night without being told. Maybe they will let you get an instant messenger if you promise to only talk to friends or relatives you already know, or perhaps offer to let your parents check all your IM contacts profiles before you chat. Let them know why you want to do or have these things...and you need a better answer than because all your friends are allowed to. Maybe you feel you need more free time, so in the evenings you would like to stay up longer, or you like working with the computer because of the resources it offers. Try to be respectful in your discussion. Wanting to grow up is perfectly natural, but keep in mind that learning to respect and deal with people, including your parents, is part of that growing up. Good luck!
--Carren, IML Mentor

Dear Maya,
I know exactly how you feel! Even now, there are times when I feel like I'm being treated like a baby by my parents. One of the hardest things for parents is seeing their kids grow up. While it seems to go slowly for us, I've heard many, many parents say that from diapers to graduation, it's like 'the blink of an eye.' You should try telling your parents how you feel, and try to see their side of things. To get privileges, you need to prove you're responsible. Chat rooms and even instant messaging can be dangerous, and you need to make it clear to them that you understand the risks and know how to get out of a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. As for your grades, you can't get much better than A's and B's, so it's possible that some of the pressure is coming from yourself. What matters is that youre giving all your effort. If your parents truly aren't happy with your grades, then I suggest talking to them and perhaps getting a school counselor involved.
--Lauren, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I think I have a singing/acting talent that I take seriously, but no one else will! Not even my parents! How do make people take my interests seriously?
--Candi, 12

Dear Candi,
I think the best way to get your family to take your talents seriously is to show them how serious YOU are about them! If your parents approve, try out for plays, choirs, and musical showcases in your school and community. When its time for a performance, invite your family to come watch, and hopefully theyll see how committed, passionate, and talented you are. You may want to think about how youre expressing your interests to your parents. If youre telling them that you only want to sing and act for the rest of your life, they may not approve because the reality is, a lot of aspiring actors and actresses never find regular work. But if you explain that acting and singing is a hobby that youd like to pursue while studying for some type of college degree -- perhaps even something related to your talent -- your parents may feel better because they know youre keeping your options open.
--Tiffany, IML Mentor

Hi Candi,
Have you tried to get involved in any talent shows or plays? It would get your name out there, and people would be able to see firsthand how good an actress and singer you are. If you want to take the next step, have you tried to find acting or singing lessons in your area that you can afford? You might want to ask your schools music and drama teachers for suggestions. After you've found one, talk to your parents about your plans to help pay for them. Be understanding if they're reluctant, because it takes a commitment from both of you. Focus on how pursuing these talents make you feel better about yourself and not so much on becoming a big star someday, because not everyone with serious talent can be successful in the entertainment world.
--Megan, IML Mentor

Dear Candi,
Maybe you should try talking to your parents one more time about this. This time, really try to let them know exactly how serious you are and what you want to do about it. You can also go to your school counselor and see if she/he can give you information on school or after-school performing arts programs. Try to find programs that arent too expensive or those that could be offered for free. Once you find a program and have information on it, you can present that to your parents. Explain that its a fun program that you'll be happy in and that your school counselor approves of. This will hopefully let them know how serious you are about pursuing acting and singing.
--Julissa, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
My mom doesn't want me in chat rooms. I like to go to chat rooms because it's fun to talk to other kids. I would never ever meet a perfect stranger in real life if I only talked to them in a chat room. And if someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I know that I should ignore that person and leave. I'm old enough and know all the safety precautions and stuff. How can I tell her that I'm old enough to just chat with other kids?
--M.J., 13

Dear M.J.,
You sound very mature, as you do care about how your mom feels about your going to chat rooms. You seem to know what you're doing and what it means to play it safe online. I think the most important thing is not to tell, but to show. Allow her to sit beside you and let you go into a chat room. Show her that it's just a place where kids from all over America or even the world exchange ideas. Ask her to quiz you on certain online situations. This way, she can make an informed decision on whether or not youre ready. If she decides that you are not, you should respect that for the time being. If she decides that you are, enjoy the chat roomsbut make sure you live up to her trust and not let her down!
--Joyce, IML Mentor

Dear M.J.,
I'm glad that you understand the dangers of chatting online. Your mom is only looking out for your safety (not such a bad thing, you know!) but I understand how much you want to prove to her that you can handle it. She might be more comfortable letting you chat if you install a filter on your computer. Sometime when she's not busy, sit down and talk to her. Explain that you are responsible, and point out examples of how you've handled yourself responsibly in the past. It's hard for parents to watch their children grow into responsible, independent teenagers, but if you talk to her calmly, without yelling, and make your case, youve done your best to get her to change her mind.
--Megan, IML Mentor

Dear M.J.,
It sounds like you are responsible and you know how to stay safe online, but you have to put yourself in your mom's position. She loves you and with everything you hear nowadays, its normal for her to be worried. My advice is for you to try and make her see you are trustworthy. Maybe if you invite her to sit with you one day as you participate in a chat room, she can see exactly what it is you do and who youre talking to and will trust you a bit more. Also, almost more importantly, let her know that she can come and see what you are doing anytime she wants. It might take a little time for her to be completely comfortable, but just be honest and try to make her see that you know how to stay safe.
--Julissa, IML Mentor

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