Advice Questions about Parents:

• "My parents went to this meeting about your children and computers, and now I feel like they don't trust me and want to know every detail of my life. They want to know my school e-mail password and my dad even checks the history after I've used the computer! HELP!"

• "My mom is always spending time with my 2 little brothers even though I'm her only daughter. We never get to talk about mother/daughter stuff. How can I find a way to talk to my mom and spend more one-on-one time with her?"

• "I just learned about puberty, getting your period and other things like shaving and growing breasts. I'm excited for these things to happen to me so I can feel more grown up. I think I'm way too young to be starting these things and I'm afraid my parents think the same. I always get my courage worked up to talk to my mom and then it goes away. I try writing letters to my mom but she still hasn't talked to me about it yet. When I ask her to bring me to the store to buy a bra, she thinks I'm kidding. I think I need one because I feel self-conscious about my body if I don't have one on. I really need help talking to my mom. What should I do?"

• "My mom only lets me watch baby stuff, like Dora, Teletubbies, and Dragon Tales. I really want mom to let me watch older shows. What should I do?"

• "I think my mom hates me. She really never spends time with me and when she angry she calls me a mistake and calls me names. Also lately she’s become very mean and gives me a glare every time I walk past her. What should I do to make her not so mean anymore and make her like me again?"

• "My parents just got a divorce and every weekend we switch off (my mom's weekend one week and my dad's weekend the next week). I live with my mom and I hate going over to my dad's house, but I don't want to tell him that I don't like coming over because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Please tell me what to do!"

• "I can never talk to my mom about anything! If I tell her something she ends up telling her friends and my dad and everyone. How can I stop my mom from telling everyone my feelings?"

• "I broke my parents' trust. Now they won't let me back online, just because someone on my friends list was not who they said they were. I don't think I did anything wrong, but I'm being punished for it. What can I do to earn back my parents' trust?"

• "When my parents get angry at me, they call me names like "a good for nothing" and "useless" and it really hurts. And sometimes it's not even my fault or they're being unreasonable. What should I do?"

• "My parents are 'taking a break' and each night I cry, even when my dad calls to read me and my brother a story. I don't want to tell him I cry every night but it's bringing me and my mom pain."

• My parents are so controlling and never let me make my own decisions. This summer they are making me go to stupid camps and I don't have a choice. It's just so hard because I know they love me...and they wanna help me not be alone all summer...but it's driving me crazy! This summer I planned on hanging out with friends and going in my pool. I hate this! Please help me. I'm miserable!

• I am 13 and my mom is always trying to butt into my life! I know sheis just trying to help but she always asks me, Are you and your friends fighting? Why aren't you hanging out with so-and-so this weekend? It gets so annoying! I told her that I would tell her when I want to talk but she still doesn't listen! I have a boyfriend and she is afraid we're going to go too far too young! I tell her that I can make my own decisions and that I know what is too far but she still doesn't trust me with it. What should I do?

• My mom doesn't trust my friends. She doesn't let me go to their houses and she doesn't let them come to mine. She asks me about how good their grades are and stuff, but I don't want to tell her because she tells me to make new friends if they don't get good grades! She's always worried about this stuff and never let me sleep over at their houses! I am seriously stressed out about this because I'm always alone on the weekends!!!! I need to make her trust my friends, I need to tell her that I DO KNOW how to make good friends!

• Okay, so I am 9 and my parents will not let me have a sleepover. I mean, what is up with that? My older sister is 14 and has sleepovers all the time. Please help me make my parents trust me to have a sleepover! THANKS!

• I caught my MOM reading my DIARY!!!!! It has all my problems and crushes in it. Can you please give me some advice?

• My dad has anger problems. He gets mad at someone and takes it out on the whole family. Just 5 minutes ago, I was getting gum and I heard my dad say to my mom, "Why'd you let her put the blank on in there?" (Blank means an inappropriate word.) He was so mad I started crying and said, "You obviously don't care about how I feel, so just watch what you want!" I was giving him what he wanted, yet he yelled "TURN IT DOWN!" Every night I cry myself to sleep because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Then he acts all lovey-dovey and then he gets all mad again. What should I do?

• My parents have been fighting so much lately. I'm always scared because I'm afraid something bad will happen. I don't want it to affect school. I don't want to lose another father, or my little sister to have the same problem. What can I do?

• PLEASE HELP ME. My mom isn't letting me go to a school dance, and she won't tell me why! I think she's worried that I might do drugs or something, but I SWEAR TO ANYTHING I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT. And my parents know so, they trust me. But they never let me go to dances and I'm in grade 9!!! How can I make them change their minds?

• "My mom just had a baby. He cries a lot and she ignores me! What should I do?"

• I feel like I am to blame for my parents getting separated. They have been separated since I was 10. I feel like now I don't exist in their worlds. All the attention goes to my brother and sister. What should I do with this problem? mom!

• My mom is SO annoying. My friend's mom is SO awesome; my friend can tell her mom ANYTHING. I can't talk to my mom about personal stuff like guys that I think are hot and other girl stuff, if u know what I mean. She always bothers me about celebs that I like. Even if I did talk to her, she would tell my dad everything that I told her and he would bother me about it. Other than not being able to talk to her about certain stuff, she's a great mom!

• My parents don't listen to me. They don't take my opinions into consideration AT ALL! When I ask if they are even listening to what I am saying, they say they are, but they don't understand that hearing what I'm saying and respecting my opinions are two totally different things. I don't care if they agree with me, but when I try to talk things out with them, they are planning what they will ground me from or what they will say to me after I'm finished AS I AM SPEAKING! They don't let me explain my actions and it hurts me! When I try to explain why I feel neglected and ignored by them, they just ground me for a few weeks. How can I confront them and tell them to listen without being punished unreasonably? Help!

• "My parents are pushing me WAY too much. I do well in school and am in many advanced classes. I used to play piano, but I had too many other commitments. I play volleyball almost year-round, and at the moment I am not doing so now. It's almost the end of the school year, so I want that time to study for finals, but my parents keep pushing me to play volleyball, get a job, take more advanced classes, and do well in all of them! What should I do?!"

• "I have a disabled sib; he has autism. But at home I think he's just my bro. My parents don't. They think the world revolves around him. When I talk to them about it they say that I'm being dramatic and that I want the world to revolve around me! They've tried to explain to me that he has a disability and I know that. I'm never alone with them so I can't do anything without him coming and messing it up! How can I get them to understand that all I want is a little more attention without being rude or whiny?"

• I have 2 baby sisters and a toddler brother whos a handful. I am the good kid but Im the one whos blamed if my folks dont get enough sleep, Im the one whos always sweared at and Im the one who gets in trouble for no reason whatsoever! Anyway, I really would love it if you could give me some advice.

• I just turned 13 and I am so loving it. But it's not fair that my parents are always over my shoulder! I think that if they could, they would strap a video camera to my head and let me walk around with it all day. Whenever I come home from school my dad calls me and asks me like a billion questions like: What took you so long to get home? or Did you see any boys today? I mean REALLY! What should I do?

• I am in 7th grade. At the end of last year, my mom got me a bra. But it was just a plain cotton one. I want push-up bras or ones that aren't boring like cotton. All my friends have them. I don't know how to ask my mom because she's not that easy to talk to about these things. In 5th grade, I asked her about getting a bra and she said that I didn't need one yet. I guess I am just afraid of being turned down.

• My dad eats a lot of bad food. My family tells him that it is bad for him, but he doesn't listen. I'm afraid he is going to die. What should I do?

• Hi, I really love my mom. But, she loves my hair long. I am really tired of it. The same old everyday. I am ready to make a change. I feel I am responsible enough to get my hair cut. How can I convince her that I want my hair cut, without hurting her feelings?

• I live with only my dad (my mom's dead) and I want a bra but I'm embarrassed to ask my dad to get me one. If I get one without his permission and he finds out, he'll be angry and ask me questions, like why I thought I needed a bra. I wouldn't be comfortable talking to him about that kind of stuff! I've asked someone else for advice and they said to write him a letter, but it didn't work. What should I do?

• I really want to babysit these 2 kids in my neighborhood. They don't even live far away, just 3 houses down. Their parents have asked me a couple of times. But I had to refuse because my parents think it's too dangerous, even though I'll be around the neighborhood! I want to make some money to buy things not only for myself, but for presents. My 11-year-old friend Sara babysits. Why can't I? How can I convince them?

• OkayMy dad is into God and all, but I just dont believe in the same things. How do I tell my dad that I dont want to go to church? He says I dont have to go, but the alternative is being grounded for a week! I dont know what to do. The more I go to church, the more I know its not right for me.

• I went to school in the 2nd grade and now I'm in the 5th. I've been home schooled most all my life. I want to go to school again and get friends cause I dont have many. But my mom says I'm the same boy cause I was a troublemaker but I'm not. I've changed a lot. How do I get her to let me? Thanks.

• My mom seems really depressed. When I come home from school, she's crying. And that makes me want to cry, too. I've already had a bad day! I lost my crush to someone else, my teacher's mean, and now I have to listen to this! It makes me sad and I hate it. She doesn't have the energy to do things around the house. Last night my dad had to cook dinner because my mom was crying herself to sleep on the couch. I give her a hug and tell her I love her, but that doesn't seem to make things better. What should I do?

• My parents are so overprotective! They won't let me get a cell phone. They think that it's way too expensive and I don't need one because there's always pay phones. Well, I have been researching phones for about a YEAR and I found that there are some REALLY CHEAP phones. But they don't care. And where I live, there are almost NO payphones. Everyone has a cell phone. They think that I will call bad people. I'm only going to use it for emergencies, talk to my parents, and MAYBE call my friends. But any time I talk to them about getting one they just laugh and think that I am joking. It makes me feel REALLY small.

• I want to wear two-piece bathing suits but my parents told me that I'm 'too young to show that much skin.' How can I convince them that I'm old enough to wear them?

• My mom and everybody in my family thinks I'm crazy! I tell them that someday I will run for first woman president of the U.S.A., and that I will be something bigand then they start laughing. I just wish they could know that they are hurting my feelings. Please help me!

• Me and my older sister both play soccer. Sometimes my parents set high goals for me so I can be as good as my sister. How can I be as good as her?

• A few years ago, I begged my mom to get me a doll that everyone had. Now, I never touch it, even though it was very expensive. My mom now wants to take me to a place in New York thats all about the doll: American Girl Place. Since I never play with my doll, I don't want to waste $500 on a trip there. My mom is all excited about it. Should I go or not?

• My parents always talk to me about embarrassing things in public. Like when were in a restaurant, my mom just starts talking about 'growing up,' if you know what I mean. I hate it when they do that. Even when I tell them this, they still do it. How can I get them to stop?

• Last spring my dad was having some problems. He didn't really have a good childhood and I don't know, he was kind of depressed and he went away and spent a month away from the family to 'sort things out.' When he came back at the beginning of the summer he seemed fine. But lately it seems like things are going back to the way they were, and he and my mom are spending a lot of time talking. I'm afraid that the same thing is going to happen again and I'm scared. What should I do?

• I never feel safe to express my feelings to my parents or sitting down and spending time with them. I need some help!

• My mom has made me play piano for 9 years. I hate it, and I've told her that lots of times. She says its good for me. I believe her, but I don't want to play piano, I want to play the guitar. I own a guitar and I play it often. My mom says I can start another instrument, only I can't stop piano. Help me please!!!!

• My mom wont let me go shopping at the mall, but all my friends and I want to go. What do I do to get my mom to let me go?

• My parents put a lot of pressure on me. I get good grades in school, but sometimes I feel like even A's and B's aren't enough for them. I still have to go to bed at 9pm, and they won't let me get instant messenger or go to any chat rooms or anything. It's almost as if they are trying to keep me a little kid. How can I express to them that I want to be able to grow up without feeling guilty?

• I think I have a singing/acting talent that I take seriously, but no one else will! Not even my parents! How do make people take my interests seriously?

• My mom doesn't want me in chat rooms. I like to go to chat rooms because it's fun to talk to other kids. I would never ever meet a perfect stranger in real life if I only talked to them in a chat room. And if someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I know that I should ignore that person and leave. I'm old enough and know all the safety precautions and stuff. How can I tell her that I'm old enough to just chat with other kids?

• My dad has gone out of town, which causes my mom loneliness even though I'm there. Recently she started college again, but that just passes the loneliness to me because on July 4th she had homework and that made
  her tired. A few neighbors were popping fireworks and I wanted my mom to see them but she didn't, and that made me feel like we were from different planets. In other words, we aren't spending much time together. What should I do?

• I feel I am a very responsible person, and I believe that I am capable of taking care of a dog, but my parents don't approve. How can I get their approval?

• Just like Nancy, one of my parents passed away (my dad), and now my mom is going out with a longtime friend of the family. I've talked to my mom and now she knows how I feel, but I just don't think she knows how much pain she's causing me. I just get so mad sometimes I want to cry.

• My mom is a very beautiful person. But ever since she remarried, she's changed. I don't like my stepfather because he is mean to me when we are alone. My mom has changed and now she's mean too. The only time I don't feel pressured is in school. I don't feel good at home. I'm afraid to talk to my mom about it. What should I do?

• My mom wont let me dress a certain way. Shes always telling me to be myself and to be original, but when I do she always tells me to go change.

• Brianna, Tamara, and Janelle all need advice on how to get their parents permission to start dating.

• My mom passed away, and my dad has been talking about dating lately. I don't want him to date, but I haven't told him this because I don't feel comfortable talking to him. He met a woman and they've been going steady. I don't like her and I haven't told him. The weird thing is that she is my best friend's aunt!!!!

• "My dad keeps calling me stupid, even though I really am not. I get straight A's and I have won the spelling bee before. But now, I find that I am starting to call myself stupid, and I feel that if I don't stop this, I am going to believe that I am stupid. I know that my dad is just kidding, but he never says that he is, so maybe he isn't. What should I do?"

• "My parents won't listen to me when I say that they can die from smoking. What can I do?"

• "We recently moved, and I'm not happy with the people or the location of my new home, and I need some time for just my mom and me. How do I approach my mom in a way that she doesn't feel criticized?"

• "My parents won't let me see a movie that I want to see really bad. What should I do?"

• "I want a raise on my allowance, but my mom won't even talk about it with me! I'm only asking for a $5 raise! What should I do?"

• "My parents are divorced and I live with my Dad. When I visit my Mom, I try to talk to her about me not wanting to live with her, and she keeps saying that I can't stay with my Dad all my life. What should I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings."

• "I can't talk to my parents about anything. I am an only child and often feel lonely. My parents are overprotective (they watch the news too much) and they have weird superstitions that something will happen to me. I feel like I am in a cage. I can't talk to anyone about it. Plz give me some advice on what to do."

• "My parents are way too protective. They won't let me have a spare key, they won't let me stay home alone, AND they won't let me have a sleepover without a month's notice! Help! How can I prove to them that I can do all this stuff?"

• "I can't talk to my mom or dad about grades. If I get an F
  my mom will flip out. What should I do?"

• "Every teacher has high expectations for me. My parents make me work way too hard. Recently, I got a 90% on my math test and my parents nearly blew the roof."

• Several of you had questions about how to handle it when your parents argue or call each other names in front of you.

• "My mom smokes way too much. She says she has it under control, but I think she's wrong. I don't want her to get sick and die, and now my friends say her breath smells. How can I tell her how I feel?"

• "My mom doesn't want me to go to middle school. Instead, she wants me to go to a Christian school. I really would like to stay with all of my friends. How do I talk to her about this?"

Dear IML,
Me and my older sister both play soccer. Sometimes my parents set high goals for me so I can be as good as my sister. How can I be as good as her?
--Emily, 11

Hey Emily,
It's good to have goals for yourself, but you can't achieve all your sister's goals, too. You are a different person and have to find your own talents. Soccer could be an example of this. You shouldn't try to be as good as your sister. Instead, try to be as good as youre able at what you enjoy doing. If soccer is your passion, than do your best at it, without comparing your achievements to your sister's. The two of you are separate individuals. You might want to think about why you push so hard to be as good as your sister. Is it because you are trying to make your parents happy? Anything you strive for should be because you want it, not because someone else wants you to do it. If this is the case, maybe you could talk to your parents about wanting to explore what interests you. Let them know if you are starting to get stressed out about being as good as your sister. They might not realize that theyre pressuring you.
-Carren, IML Mentor

Dear Emily,
Your sister might be better than you at soccer, but keep in mind that she's older than you, so she has more experience. When you're her age, you may do just as well. Or if soccer is not your strength, then you could try out another sport and THAT may be where you become a star! I think you should reassure yourself that no matter what, you're special for who you are and you're good enough for yourself. If your parents set high goals for you, it could be because they think youre good enough to reach them. But if those goals are too high or keeping you from enjoying what youre doing, I think you should talk to them about how you feel. Explain to them that the most important thing for you and your activities is not reaching the goals, but enjoying and learning from the process. Good luck!
-Joyce, IML Mentor

Emily,
I have an older brother who to me seems like the "perfect" child, so I can totally relate. My brother is a star athlete, good student, and just an all-around good guy. I always used to think he was the favorite and I wanted to be able to do anything as good as he could. But I am not him, and I realized I have my own strengths! Emily, I am sure that your sister is a great girl, but so are you. You don't need to be as good as her, because you are amazing at your own thingeven if you don't know what that is yet. You dont need to compare yourself to your sister because you are not the same person. You are EMILY, which I am sure is a wonderful girl! If you want to become better at soccer, then do that for yourself, but not because you want to be as good as your sister!
-Kerri, IML Mentor

Hi Emily!
I have a younger sister who's 11, and she has the same problem. She assumes that my parents think I'm perfect and that she should be like me, but that's not true. We're different people, and therefore can't be compared since we each have our own talents and skills. The goals that parents set are not necessarily based off of their other children. Ideally, they make goals for each of their individual kids so they can excel in their own talents. I'm good at English, writing, and music while my sister dances, is involved in student council, plays sports, and is all-around a more social person. I have a feeling that your parents just want you to be as good as YOU can be. It's natural to view someone older as "better" than you, but it's likely that your sister wishes she had some of your talents too. If you're still doubting your parents motives for their goals, talk to them and tell them how you feel. Good luck!
-Lauren, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
A few years ago, I begged my mom to get me a doll that everyone had. Now, I never touch it, even though it was very expensive. My mom now wants to take me to a place in New York thats all about the doll: American Girl Place. Since I never play with my doll, I don't want to waste $500 on a trip there. My mom is all excited about it. Should I go or not?
--Talia, 10

Hi Talia,
I think its important to be honest with your mom. I remember a couple of years ago, I really wanted the Tae Bo workout videotape series. Its like $100 for four tapes. I thought, Billy Blanks promised Ill get fit and lose weight, plus Drew Barrymore and Magic Johnson were all into it. So my parents bought me the tapes. I used them for about two weeks and then off and on throughout the months. My dad thought I was really into Tae Bo so he bought tickets for me to work out with Billy Blanks at his studio. That was three years agoI hope the tickets havent expired! Now I feel real bad for not having used the tickets because my dad paid a lot of money for them. I couldve avoided the guilt trip with my dad had I expressed my lack of interest. I would suggest that you explain to your mom that youre not interested in dolls anymore. Also, express that you wouldnt mind going but youd rather spend quality time with her doing whatever youre into now. If you be honest and give her alternative so she doesnt feel bad, I think youll have a positive turnout.
-Vanessa, IML Mentor

Hey Talia!
I loved American Girl dolls when I was younger. Each birthday, from age 6 to 11, my parents would buy me a doll. I vowed I would play with them forever, but now they're sitting in our guest room closet untouched. I didn't take them out of my room until I was fourteen because I felt bad that my parents had spent so much money on them, but as my interests grew, a guitar amp replaced the doll bunkbed, a bookshelf occupied the dolls' usual spot, and soon there wasn't enough space in my room, or my life, for them. I understand why you don't want to tell your mom, but just like baby clothes and toys (that also had to be paid for), you've outgrown your doll and moved onto other things. If you explain this to your mom, she'll probably understand and be glad you told her. It's likely that most of her excitement comes from her idea that you would enjoy going. Tell her about other things you've become interested in and come up with another special trip you two can take. Good luck!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Talia,
This has happened with me tons of times! My mom has a tendency to drag me to events for me that I really have no interest in. It's most likely her way of wanting to bond with you in something she thinks you'd enjoy. Try to sit down and talk with her. Explain to her that it was a few years ago that you begged her to buy you the doll and that you've moved on to other interests since then (I'm assuming that you have). Ask her why it is that she wants to go. Tell her that you don't want her to waste the money. Basically, tell her exactly how you feel about the situation. Try suggesting another activity that you would prefer you two do together instead.
--Rachel, IML Mentor

Hi Talia,
I think it would be helpful to tell your mom that you don't want to disappoint her, but you really don't have an interest in going. Let her know that you appreciate her getting the doll, but you have outgrown the American Girl collection, and you don't want the trip to be a waste of time or money. Since this trip seems important to her and is very expensive, I think your mom would appreciate knowing your feelings. You don't have to feel guilty about not using the doll. Its part of growing up, to realize we didnt really want or need something, or that weve outgrown it. It may help you in the future, in a situation where you just have to have something, to remember this whole experience!
--Carren, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
My parents always talk to me about embarrassing things in public. Like when were in a restaurant, my mom just starts talking about 'growing up,' if you know what I mean. I hate it when they do that. Even when I tell them this, they still do it. How can I get them to stop?
--Hannah, 12

Hi Hannah,
Parents often talk about subjects were uncomfortable with, but theyre not directly trying to embarrass you. Keep in mind that when you get older there will be topics that will no longer be embarrassing to talk about, even though they make you feel uncomfortable right now. Your parents are "older" already, so they're comfortable talking about those things and might forget that theyre still embarrassing to you. My mom was always bringing up and still does talk about menstruation, development of breasts, and how cute some guy is. She didn't consider these topics embarrassing and didn't realize I was totally mortified. (Now a few years later, I don't get embarrassed about those things either, just like you probably won't.) One day we were at a grocery store and I was talking to the young man that was bagging our groceries. Mom said, Stop flirting with that boy and let him do his job!I turned so red it was painful. When we walked out of the store, I got really angry at her. Later, I realized she was only teasing me and I should loosen up. You might ask one or both parents to talk to you alone in your room one night where you won't have any other distractions, so they'll realize how important this issue is to you. Calmly let them know how you feel and that there are just some things you wish they would only discuss in private. It might help to list some particular instances in public that made you feel uncomfortable. Good luck! :)
--Carren, IML Mentor

Hi Hannah,
Your situation reminds me of my sister. She gets embarrassed whenever my parents talk about relationships, menstrual cycles, and other things that have to do with her body. She tries hinting to them that its embarrassing by saying Mom, can we talk about this later?! but I think my parents think shes just avoiding the subject and they dont want her to grow up not understanding whats going on. Naturally, they press the subject. Like my sister, I think it would help if you brought up the subject at home, even though its still uncomfortable. It would show your parents that youre already learning about these changes and avoid embarrassment in the future. Also during this conversation, let them know you feel that discussing this in public is inappropriate, and makes you less willing to talk about it all. Maybe you and your parents can come up with a signal or code word you can use in public that basically means, Stop it! Youre embarrassing me! Lets talk about this later!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Dear Hannah,
I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me! One time, my mother told her friend when I got my period for the first time! I was mortified! Your parents obviously don't understand that this embarrasses you. When they bring up an embarrassing subject in public, calmly ask them if you could talk about it later. If they keep it up, ask to be excused. If they STILL don't stop, sit them down when you get home and explain to them that this is a real problem, a big issue. Hopefully, they'll take this as a sign of how serious this issue is to you, and respond appropriately.
--Samantha, IML Mentor

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